An update 3 + months on

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Hi Guys. Hope you are all having a great week and that things are going well for you? 

Sorry I haven't been in touch recently I've been focusing all my attention on healing and repairing.

There are still days when I suffer with groin pain. Going to.the toilet is now not the issue it was leading up to and during treatment. I can stand and wee without leaking at the back end. 

I'm pretty regular with number 2's sometimes 3 or 4 times in succession which at least gets it over and done with. I am certain the diameter of my anus has shrunk since radiotherapy. 

A few weeks ago I had my 3 month scans MRI , CT and a flexible sigmoidoscopy. Obviously I was dreading all 3. The Dr described the site of my tumour as an ulcer. 

My consultant rang me within a few days of my CT scan which was so quick. I had the CT on Thursday and had his call the following Wednesday  it's amazing news apparently all my scans are now clear which is unbelievable and a testament to the effectiveness of the chemo/radio combined treatment and to all the wonderful doctors, consultants and nurses. 

After getting the news I should have been on cloud nine but I became incredibly anxious and depressed. Has any one else had a similar experience?

So next scan and sigmoidoscopy in another 3 months 

Love to you all. Keep strong and optimistic 

PaddyBud xx

  • Hi PaddyBud, congratulations on your scan news. How you are feeling is completely understandable. Many of us felt this way and I assumed I would be out celebrating but couldn’t understand how my moods swung up and down. My husband kept saying that’s great news and thought that was it and move on. I was still getting some bowel side effects and dealing with on and off soreness and trying to increase my walking without worrying where the nearest toilet was. My oncologist used to say no evidence of disease but I would still not feel totally safe. As time goes on and you get stronger your moods hopefully will improve. Does your hospital offer counselling or a buddy service which I was able to get after a year on the waiting list. This buddy was just for ME and I could say anything and found this really beneficial as I was unloading without hurting anyone in my family. I am nearly three years post treatment and am starting to feel normal and confident for the future and you will too


  • Hi PaddyBud,

    It's pretty weird how many of us experience this odd disconnect from what should be so celebratory. Maybe we've had to steel ourselves so hard to get through the treatment and early recovery that we don't dare stop. Plus we no longer have the support of the team whom we saw day after day.

    I dunno.

    But I absolutely had that too.



  • Paddybud

    I am really happy to hear that your healing and repairing is going well, when you look back it all seems like a bad dream, doesn't it?

    I totally get the anxiety and depression.  I think we all change irrevocably with a cancer diagnosis and sometimes, even being in touch with the hospital where it all happened can bring everything flooding back.

    The good news is that things start to look a bit brighter in the intervening period before your next scan and life gets back to normal - definitely a new normal, we all know that and it can take some getting used to and adjustment. 

    Hope you feel much better (mentally) very soon.

    Irene xx

  • Hi jaycee12

    Thank you very much for your reply. 

    I am receiving counselling from Macmillan a lovely lady called Sandra she is so kind and supportive. I still have my colorectal nurse. Not heard of a buddy service. It's so good that you benefitted from it. 

    Here's to the future Relaxed

  • Hi ridetbred

    Thank you so much for your reply. Yes so many months of heightened anxiety and preoccupation with the dreaded c word.

    Let life commence... I'm back at work 2 days a week, this is my second week back.



  • Hey Irene75359

    Yes a really bad dream. Had such a supportive Dad Aunties and friends behind me as well as the wonderful team at 2 hospitals. 

    My second week back at work 2 days a week it's exhausting me out and challenging my muscles in a way they are not used to. Lol

    Take care 

    PaddyBud x

  • Wow, back to work already! I took off for MONTHS! What a badass you are.