Update and awaiting results

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Hey everyone, it’s been a while so thought I’d check in,  

lifes been busy, fun and exhausting all rolled into one, I’m back at work  2 days a week which I’m loving and things are mostly good. 

i met with a psychologist yesterday who really made me feel heard, I was able to talk through my whole cancer experience which really lifted a weight off. She made my feelings feel valid which helped immensely. 

I’ve Ben struggling lately with anxiety as it’s scan time (had them on the 1st) and not getting results until 10th April, Rage anyone else wait 6 weeks? It’s too long Sob 

The psychological feels I’m suffering with PTSD to some degree.,one of the questions she asked me was what are my hopes…what do I want to gain…

it threw me a bit. My answer was I hoped this was all a dream . I didn’t know what else I could say  I think aside from hoping il remain NED - it’s given me something to think about. 

i hope everyone well and il check in when the results are back. Wish me NED Smile

  • Hi Ker25 nice to hear back from you and great that you are able to return to your job which you so much enjoy. It probably can have a kind of  normalising effect and distraction from being at home which sometimes can produce negative thoughts. I also have experienced long waiting times for scan results which is the worst worrying feeling ever. Every time I am due to go to my hospital I get the jitters. Even a few days before my husband says I am moody and he knows it’s because I’m getting anxious. I’m coming up three years post treatment and it still bothers me. I have told my oncologist how waiting times for results are so distressing and she is very apologetic but the usual mantra is how they are under pressure in the NHS. 

    Your question got me thinking, what are my hopes and what would I like to gain? I would like to get up in the morning naturally without my bowels waking me up with its persistent pressure preventing me from having a nice lay in. I also would like to be able to just go for days out without having to plan my diet the day before and not want to know where there is a toilet in every vicinity. I am in a group with a local cancer charity and they do social things and none of them have had anal cancer (only a couple know I have but they don’t know anything about the treatment etc) and it just seems that their treatment side effects do not have the same impact. I hope a time comes where this is a distant memory and I can have normal bowels again. It will be interesting to hear others hopes and where they want to be.

    i wish you a good result 

    Julie

  • Hello Ker25

    I hear you, I really do.  I also get completely wound up around scan times, sometimes I wish I never had to see the inside of a hospital again and then I think but what if there is something going on?  Your psychologist sounds very understanding about the impact that a cancer diagnosis gives, and yes, I understand wishing it was all a dream - or rather a bad nightmare.

    Six weeks is a very long wait, quite extraordinary, really, I don't know why some hospitals can't invest in clearing the backlog and give results within a week, the mental toll on patients is immense.

    I am so happy to hear that in the main things are good, but I would see the psychologist as long as it is possible; I think the mental side is sadly overlooked in many cases and therapy can go a long way to healing some of the scars.

    I really do wish you NED - I will be thinking of you every step of the way.

    Irene xx

  • Ker! How nice to see you here again!

    I'm right there with you. Got my scan a couple of weeks ago, and see the oncologist to get the results in a few days. I'm anxious about that, but way way way more anxious about the anoscopy in just 2 more days. Like, lie awake at night jittering about it.

    I really should see a counselor. I never have, so it feels weird, but my fears just skyrocket every time I need another physical exam. I'm getting stabs of pain right in the bullseye just sitting here typing about it.

    Looking forward to hearing good news from you!

    Hugs

    Suz