Feeling rather low

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Good morning everyone.

We are all going through our own experiences and ups and downs with one thing and another. I send you all lots of love

On the whole I have done ok with most things since finishing treatment. There were plenty of toilet issues and terrible pains which seemed to get worse as the day went on. That has since calmed down after about three weeks post treatment. The abdominal and groin pain has continued on and off throughout the 6 week period. Along with lower back pain, hip pain, leg pain and numbness/tingling. 

I'm doing my very best to work my way through all this. Eating healthily, plenty of fruit and veg, chicken, tofu and soups. Porridge for breakfast not too much sugar or processed things and avoiding almost completely alcohol, walking with my stick when I can. Seeing my dear Dad and friends. However the demons and darkness are there in the background. I find myself fearing for the future and wondering what is there to look forward to. 

I don't enjoy feeling like this along with the pressure I feel for going back to work, which terrifies me as in March I have my mri and ct scans and then what if I need an operation and then that will affect work . . .I went to see my bosses a week ago and they are continuing to be so understanding and supportive which is brilliant. 

I know life will never be as it was, however I know there is hope and positivity ahead, but when. It doesn't help that I live alone, all my friends have partners, but I guess I just have to look to better times...

Sorry for such a depressing message. 

Hugs to veryone 

PaddyBud xx

  • Good morning PaddyBud, I am so sorry you are feeling so low. It’s a big thing you have gone through and it’s bound to affect our mental health as well as dealing with the impact of radiotherapy. I wonder if you have any local cancer support groups going on around you. Your Maggies, if you have one may be able to help you. I am two and a half years post treatment and can remember how my moods swung up and down and just wanted to scream in my head at times. Evenwhen my scans were clear I was never feeling completely confident and I think as time goes on it does get easier. Our bodies have let us down and you lose that excitement for the future but if you are on your own it must be even harder. We have to take each day as it comes and I think at the moment it feels the world is in turmoil with all this depressing news which is so inflammatory with social media and instant news headlines telling us we are heading for world war 3! I think the media papers are loving it and we just have to try and ignore it. You may benefit with having a chat with your GP about counselling or antidepressants which I know some on here have found really helpful. You are not alone feeling like you do but it can get better.  It is really good that your work is being very sympathetic so don’t worry. Give yourself another couple of months and you will be able to understand your body a bit more on what foods do what but sounds like you have a great diet. I’m lactose intolerant since treatment but adapted my diet to help with bowel problems. You have us on here and we do understand greatly on how you are feeling at the moment. Take care and keep in touch.

  • Dear Jaycee12.

    Thank you so very much for your kind and encouraging reply. Yes I'm trying to focus on day by day and trying to ignore the panic I feel with every new pain and niggle!! 

    Wishing you a lovely week

    Hugs 

  • Hi  

    You’re at a funny limbo stage at the moment and I remember feeling exactly the same.
    I still tell myself it’s normal to have these feelings when we’re going through so much. I think, I’m anxious about that but it feels a ‘normal’ level of anxiousness, or, I’m sad about that but it’s a ‘normal’ level of sadness. Who wouldn’t feel a level of anxiousness or sadness at what we’ve been going through?
    I agree with   about maybe getting some more support - i took advantage of the 6 free counselling sessions offered by macmillan - you can just sign up online and then someone calls you for a chat before setting you up with a counsellor. You can do it via video call but I did mine over the phone because I knew I’d cry! (And I did!) But she was amazing - so warm and understanding and she helped me develop some techniques to help navigate through this seemingly never ending roller coaster. I’d definitely recommend it. 
    and this forum is always here - if anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s us lot! 
    Look after yourself and take one day at a time Hugging

    Claire xx 

  • Hi  ,

    Rest assured the way you’re feeling is the way many of us have felt so we completely understand. A cancer diagnosis & subsequent treatment is a life altering experience & leaves emotional scars as well as the physical ones. If you ever feel that you’re unable to shake off these feelings & it’s all getting too much please see if there are any cancer support services local to you as many of these offer a counselling service, failing that you could make an appointment with your GP or speak with your oncologist regarding cancer specific counselling. The scans you’re facing will be causing anxiety or scanxiety as it’s known as here! I’m really pleased to hear you management at work are understanding of your situation so please don’t worry about rushing back or feel you have to be going back by a certain date, give yourself time to feel a little more in control of your physical & mental wellbeing. You’ll find as the weeks/months pass by you’ll begin to feel a bit more in control again & things will start to look a little brighter day by day. I truly hope tomorrow is a better day for you. We’re always here with a listening ear. 

    Nicola 

  • Hi Cavab24.

    Thank you so much. Yes you are right all negative and positive feelings somehow feel normal but on the other hand so surreal. 

    I have been having counselling with a lovely lady I see in person. 

    Yes. One day at a time

    Hugs x

  • Hi Nikki65

    I'm so pleased to hear from you thank you.

    Having a terrible morning so far but hoping the porridge honey kiwis and banana are.going to perk me up.

    Hugs 

  • Aww I’m sorry today isn’t a good day for you although I’m pleased to hear you’re already receiving some help in the way of counselling. Keep talking & hopefully once you’re in better physical shape you can get out in the fresh air a bit more you’ll feel your mood lift. Getting out in the middle of a field with my dog, having a nice mother daughter date or meeting up for lunch or a couple of drinks with my friends works wonders for my mental health & I know I can do any of these things when I feel I need a bit of a lift, sometimes it’s as simple as knowing what makes you feel good & distracts you from your worries. I hope the yummy breakfast helped perk you up a bit. 

    Sending lots of healing thoughts your way. 

    Nicola 

  • Hello PaddyBud

    Please don't ever apologise for a depressing message, the forum is here for us all to support each other through thick and thin.  And being told you have cancer and undergoing intensive treatment is a really major life issue in anyone's book.  We have the treatment and then...the worry starts, the scanxiety, the worry over every little twinge and pain, the bodily changes that we have to come to terms with.  It really is a new life in many more ways than one.

    Shortly after my diagnosis I went to the doctor and told him I couldn't cope.  He was wonderful, having had cancer as a young man with three small children, he was so empathetic and prescribed me anti-depressants.  Nearly three years later I am still on them and they have served me really well; I don't feel drugged or dopy on them, just the edge of these intrusive thoughts is blunted.  My doctor did also refer me for counselling but that didn't work for me, certainly not in the early days.  I just wanted to be told it had all been a terrible mistake, which of course was never going to happen.  Anti-depressants aren't for everyone but shouldn't be discounted totally if life is real struggle.

    But that isn't to say that counselling won't help YOU, many forum users have found it a lifesaver, especially after treatment.  You are doing all the right things in looking after your diet and getting out and about whilst you can, and it is still very early days for you after treatment, you will probably carry on seeing improvement in your general fitness.

    Worrying about work can't be helping you at all, and I am pleased that you have caring employers.  Just be very kind to yourself and concentrate of getting yourself in a better place mentally and physically.

    Sending you a huge hug, PaddyBud, we are all here with you.

    Irene xx

  • Dear Irene75359.

    So many thanks for your lovely message. 

    Yes I have to remember it is early days I just have mentally gone back to how I have always been everything at 100 miles an hour!

    Here for you all too

    Hugs x