Scared

Hi Kimj, the Anal Cancer Foundation have a peer to peer support programme, if you contact them they should be able to match you with someone in the U.K.  who has been through treatment. I don’t think this site allows link so google them for website link. It can seem like a lonely journey but please be reassured there are people out there who have been through it and will support you. 

Jill

Kim, you have just been through an intense chemo/radiotherapy treatment and had an op to remove an abscess?  I am so sorry for you, i didn't have that to contend with and found the early days after radiotherapy/chemotherapy bad enough.  I think that many of us need extra help during this period, this strange place when treatment ends and you are cast adrift waiting.  So depression and horrendous thoughts are always there intruding on our wellbeing and totally disrupting the need to get 'over it'.  There is help out there from people who know exactly what you have been going through and thank you Bettybut  for pointing out that source of help.  So don't struggle on on your own; if there is a Maggie's Centre near you please visit.  See your GP and tell him/her exactly how you feel.  The Macmillan helpline is there too, so many professionals who have very real experience in dealing with the trauma cancer patients go through.

Sending huge hugs

Irene xxx

Kimj you've been through an awful ordeal and you're still in the thick of it, it's not one bit surprising that you're not skipping about and that you're depressed and crying. 

I'm so grateful to Bettybut for providing this resource. I know you feel alone and unheard and that reaching out probably feels huge and too much and unbearable, but PLEASE do it. 

This is such a difficult situation and people have no idea. 

Sending you hugs and astral cream cakes

Suz

Hi Kimj ,

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this surgery & that you’re feeling so down.

You've received some lovely, helpful replies already but I’d just like to add that I think until you’ve been through something like this you just don’t realise that once you’ve finished with treatment it’s as much about the psychological healing as well as the physical. Your mind has been in turmoil since diagnosis & I think everyone has a point they reach where they feel they aren’t coping. Have you approached your GP to ask for some help? Depression is something that just doesn’t go away without help, be that medication or therapy, it’s also incredibly common to suffer with depression following a major life event such as a health crisis. 

I know someone that works on the peer to peer programme through the anal cancer foundation & it’s a great programme but I would urge you to contact your GP if you’re feeling that you’re not coping. 

Please know we’re here to support you however we can & don’t ever feel that you have to apologise for posting here.

Nicola

Hi Kimj, I’m am sorry you are in a lot of pain and can fully empathise with some of what you are going through. I don’t know how far post treatment you had your lump removed but I was two years and developed a painful lump which I had removed four weeks ago and the pain was so uncomfortable and the itching kept me awake all night. What I found was one day was not too bad but still painful and you are lulled into the idea that it’s getting better but the next day your skin turns into the colour of a tomato and the pain is back with a vengeance. I thought I had an infection in the second week and visited my GP but she said it was okay. This fourth week it is healing but tender and the surrounding skin still becomes inflamed. I am still waiting for the results which is harder than having the pain I would say because if they said the lump was benign I am sure physically putting up with it is worth it. I contacted my team and said I need to be seen and they have brought forward my appointment from the end of August to next week. I wasn’t given any advice on care apart from a generic sheet of paper from the surgeon department and felt at loss and wanted to ask questions but was told I could wait at least four hours before I could do that. The information given talks about keeping the wound dry which is quite funny. I do have a supportive GP but they don’t seem to have any magic creams. For me to come on here and vent and moan is therapy for us and understand more than your family or friends about the pain. My doctor said the anus is packed with nerve endings and no wonder it has such a big impact on our lives. I have wanted to cry and the tears wouldn’t come and it’s almost like you just feel the tears would fail to console you. Yes you feel misery and want someone to come and take the pain away but it’s not going to happen. We do find the strength to carry on each day and time does help things heal. I hope they find nothing untoward with your lump as with mine and we can move on from this horrible experience. Great ideas on here regarding peer support as it’s good to seek all the support you can muster. Good luck

Thanks everyone I’m really scared at the min I just can’t shake it off I think about the cancer been there still an they can’t do anything else for me I’m loyally in but of the thought of leaving mykids an them growing up without me! I feel like I’m screaming at the top of my lungs but no one hears me.

Kimj

Sometimes half the battle of beginning to feel better is to do something about it, and I know in this fog of fear taking the first step can be really much harder than most people could ever imagine.  But you sound so utterly traumatised by the whole experience that you need help in order to function.

Please go to your doctor.  My own GP prescribed anti-depressants for me when I was first diagnosed and I was feeling utterly desperate and distraught.  They were a huge help to me, I didn't feel out of it or drugged up at all, and they were very effective at blunting the crippling fear and the constant voices in my head.

I hear you Kim, I really do.  Sending huge hugs.

Irene xx

Everything Irene just said!!!!!