What type of cancer do you tell people you have?

I was diagnosed recently and at first I felt really embarrassed and didn’t know what to tell people.  However, I decided to be completely open and honest with anyone that asks.  I think part of the reason is to see there reaction because nobody expects you to say “I have anal cancer”  

But also why should I be embarrassed, people need to talk about this cancer and HPV, which I’d never heard of until I googled anal cancer causes. 

If people want to judge me that’s their problem not mine, and if they do judge me perhaps they are the sort of people I don’t want in my life. 

Having said that I totally understand why people don’t want to say anything, we all have our own way of dealing with this. 

Ladies, I've been reading all these replies to mll and am in total ignorance about what sex has to do with anal cancer. I've never googled it because I was determined not to scare myself about it. I've had one partner for the past 26 years and we haven't had any sort of sex for at least 20 of those years, and certainly never had anal sex! Can someone explain please as I don't intend googling it. Thanks in advance you lovely people. Incidentally, I've always told people that I have anal cancer, I had no idea there was some sort of stigma with it - I just hope they didn't google it. Bee Xx

Hello Bee, the Macmillan site, Americancancerfoundation.org and the cancer research site are quite informative regarding causes. When I was first diagnosed I wanted to know what happened and did I fit in some of these risk categories, I didn’t think so but I suppose it is down to our immune system fairly when we needed them. I am careful who I tell if they ask but only if they are educated and not stupid enough to believe some of this outdated inflammatory information to shock us. I can remember many years ago when I was very young when some of my mums friends/associates were slating a young girl who unfortunately got pregnant at 15 and was using some distasteful language to shame her character as it’s never the boys that got called names. They waited for my mum to join in and she said I have two daughters and it could happen to anyone and we make mistakes and shouldn’t be shamed like that. She said if we got pregnant would they call us names and walked away. I found out my mum was a virgin when she met my dad and she got pregnant out of wedlock whilst courting and married for over sixty years. If my dad had not married her she would have been shamed all because she is a woman. We shouldn’t be shamed for our sexuality whether you have few or many partners you are just dam unlucky.

Oh Jaycee, what a lovely story about your Mum!  I am so glad your parents had a long and happy marriage and she had the courage to speak out long before it was fashionable.  Thankfully the pill was around in my youth but I found out only in recent years that there were so many secrets in both sides of my family, some of which took my breath away!  Not in a disapproving way, just that what goes on now has always gone on.  It makes me so sad (and angry) that women were shamed but generally men were just being men and it's what they do, right?  And I still remember people saying when I was very young, they had to get married.

What I found really interesting is that at my school, in the late 60s, a girl became pregnant, her boyfriend was in the same year.  He was expelled, she stayed and sat her A-levels whilst pregnant (we were all agog) BUT they went on to marry, had more children and both had successful careers.  Shame on the school.

Irene xxx    

Bee

I wouldn't worry, and you are quite right not to Google.  It would all be guesswork as to why you developed anal cancer and if 'friends' judge you, they are at best ignorant of the actual facts and at worst, not friends.

Irene xx

Hello Julie, thank you for your lovely reply and such an interesting story about your mum and her schooldays. We really know or understand so little when it comes to being judgmental in some sets of circumstances - we don't know about other peoples' lives, only what they choose to share or show. Bee Xx

Hi I have just read a really interesting article about Marcia Cross the housewives actress who is fighting the stigma attached to an Anal Cancer diagnosis. It certainly seems to be on the increase and with supposedly 80% of sexually active population having the HPV virus at some stage of their lives. 

When I had blood work done the oncologist told me I was negative for the HPV virus. 

About 20 years ago I had a biopsy for a bad rash I had on my lady bits. I was diagnosed with lichen sclerosus. 

I wasnt advised that this condition needs monitoring and just accepted I had it and used creams when it flared up, which was rarely. 

Since diagnosis I have read up on it and it can turn cancerous if not treated correctly. I tell people who ask what cancer I have as I want as many women out there to know as Lichen sclerosus is common. 

Jinnie x 

Yes!  I very specifically remember when Marcia Cross was diagnosed and treated, and so after I was diagnosed, I looked for info about her again.  It was an article about her in which she mentions the Anal Cancer Foundation that I learned of that organization.  She may even be an “official spokesperson” for the organization.

Best,

Red

Hi mll 

I too totally struggled with this. In fact at my first meeting with oncologist I stopped him half way through and said “I’m sorry I can’t keep hearing the word Anal, can we change it to Alan?!” Well we all laughed and from then on they all called it alan cancer and he said it would help many people because a lot of us struggle with it. Even the radiation and chemo nurses changed to saying it. 

But in answer to what I tell my friends/family. I just say it’s bowel cancer and leave it at that.

Any extra questions just make it politely obvious you aren’t comfortable getting g into a discussion in it as it’s very raw topic for you still. Everyone should understand.  

Wishing you well

PPR x