Motivation

Hi Puddy, 

I’m really sorry that you’re feeling so lonely. During treatment you have the routine of daily hospital visits & lots of people buzzing around & then once you’re finished I found, although I was so grateful to be through my treatment, everything fell kind of flat if that makes any sense? Maybe this is what you’re experiencing? If feeling this way continues though please don’t hesitate to give your GP a call, there’s help out there you just need to be assertive enough to ask for it. It’s not so long ago that you lost your husband also so being alone will still feel quite raw sometimes without the added stresses that a cancer diagnosis brings. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you think you need it. We’re always here when you need us too. 

Nicola 

Aw, Puddy, I'm so sorry. Being past the worst of the pain is terrific, sleeping all that your body wants you to is good, loneliness is really hard. I hope you're able to find a group of like-minded folks or weird but wonderful friends or take up a passion or meander the lovely back roads of Merry Olde in contemplative bliss.

I'm 3 months past treatment and NOT lonely (would actually love a bit more solitude) but I still have the lack of motivation thing. I'm just tired and.....well, not very interested in the stuff that I hope and pray will interest me again.

Anal cancer is such a freakin' downer on so many levels, and when you're lonely and grieving, it's got to be even worse. I think you're wonderful for taking care of yourself and your dog. I never thought anything would keep me out of the barn, but doing the horses was WAY more than I was up for for weeks.

Give yourself a pat on the back. I think you're a superhero.

Hi Puddy,

I remember feeling that way, too in the first couple of weeks after treatment ended.  I recall feeling like I just desperately needed a retreat, some soul food, some whole body healing, and I even researched wellness spas and resorts (no, I haven’t gone yet).  I felt I had powered through treatments, day after day, smile after smile, so much positivity and so much gratitude that I was receiving good treatment and coping well, but when it ended, I just fell hard to earth.  I could not evade dealing with what my body and mind had been through, I was going to have to process it.

There is a certain amount of trauma that comes with cancer…the shocking emotional trauma of diagnosis, the physical trauma of treatment…no, it’s not exactly like being in a horrible car accident or going to war or being mugged, but it is traumatic, nonetheless.  Trauma can yield depression, and trauma can drain a body’s resources and energy.  Add to that, the fact that you so recently lost your husband, and yes, my friend, perhaps you are processing.

For me, rest was good, but if I was still for too long, my anxiety would creep up on me.  I found that some vigorous exercise was extraordinarily helpful and really gave me faith in my body and how it was healing.  So even though there were days that oI dreaded going out to run, I talked myself into hard exercise in the morning with an earlier and more consistent bedtime at night…and some laughs are always good however they come!  You’re already aware that something feels “off,” so I’m sure you’ll figure out the right balance for yourself.

Be so kind to yourself, and share how you’re feeling with your medical team.  They have heard it all and can certainly assist with resources that can help guide you back to yourself.  I have been very frank with my team about my anxiety, and over and over again, I have been met with extraordinary compassion, choices, and suggestions from them.  I hope you can find the same with your team.

Hugs your way!

Red

Yes, this falling flat feeling, that’s almost exactly how I felt when treatment just suddenly ended.  Well said.

Red