Feeling down!

Hi Mecca, it’s a rollercoaster, and you’re going to make mistakes along the way.  Please don’t feel bad about feeling bad!  At least show yourself the same sympathy that you’d give to a friend?

A life lesson I’ve learned from martial arts is to pick myself up one more time than I fall down.  Fall down, get up.  On this nasty little cancer journey I’ve fallen down most days so I’ve been getting lots of practice at getting up!  Toni  x

Mecca ..... we all have bad days . I’m having one myself . I’m currently led in bed and keep sobbing to myself . I’m not feeling that positive today and I’m terrified that while I’m waiting for treatment things are getting worse . Please don’t be ashamed your more than entitled to have your off days ... you will feel better soon you will bounce back Xxxxxxx 

Thank you, wise words. I did martial arts too; kung Fu and Karate xxx 

Thank you, wise words. I did martial arts too; kung Fu and Karate xxx 

Hi Mecca,

Some wise words there from Toni8776, I’ll echo that you don’t need to feel bad for feeling like you’re not coping with this, be kind to yourself even though I understand that this can sometimes be really difficult. I know it’s difficult & feels at times as though you’re staring into a big black hole with no end in sight but there is an end to all of this & Monday will hopefully be the beginning of your recovery & healing from this traumatic experience. I’m the queen of putting on a brave face & did this throughout for the sake of my 2 girls, my youngest sat her first GCSE on my first day of treatment & I felt I had to be ok so she could get through her exams but as soon as that first day of treatment was over I resigned myself to the fact there was no turning back & I relaxed more than I had since my diagnosis. 

We’re always here on the online community but if you’re struggling & think it would benefit actually talking to someone then there’s always the Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00, there’s support available 8am-8pm, you can give them a ring to have a chat about the way you’re feeling. 

Linz17, the same applies to you should you ever feel the need to speak to someone if you’re feeling down. I had imagined whilst waiting for surgery & treatment that this was running rampant throughout my body but the reality is that SCC anal cancer is generally one of the slower growing cancers so try not to worry too much.

I really hope you’re both feeling a bit better very soon. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way. 

Nicola 

Oh, the dreaded bed time days! I've now gone to my own. I'm starting my treatment on Monday and although I thought I was coping I think I am probably having a bit of a wobbler, hence my champagne morning. Just to cheer you up.... it was totally wasted on me.. I can't drink the strong stuff, wine, champagne, prosecco or spirits I can only drink lager (total heathen) but didn' t have any. It's a bummer this Anal cancer millarcy ( pun definitely intended). Ohhh, we'll get through it. Embrace our wobbles, enjoy our all expenses paid holiday to Chernobyl and if the Christmas tree lights breakdown at the jolly festive season we can always glow in the dark and save on electricity. Behind my dark thoughts and wobblers I do have a positivity that I'll get through this and you can too. Our first foot on the journey to getting well that's what our treatment is. Take care my dear xxx 

I know you are right and honestly I tell myself the same thing, but it's so much better when I hear it from the voice of experience. Having cancer is a lonely place. I can't talk to family or friends and tell them how I'm truly feeling as they are already doing the pretend cough (stifling tears) the instant they know it's me calling and the.. if there's anything you need just ask!! I'll be back to my one liners and smiley emoji face tomorrow for sure. Thank you yet again xxx

Mecca .... you’ve really cheered me up see how amazing u actually are ... helping me while struggling yourself  I’ve given my head a shake and I’m okay now . It tends to just sneak up on me I’ll have a sob n then I think ‘ enough Of this now’ brush it off n move on just like Toni8776 said .. fall down get up .. as long as we keep getting up we’re on the right road ! Hope your okay ... u sound like u are . Thinking of you X x x 

Glow in the dark

 Hi Mecca. Wise words from all above. You really don’t need to apologise. No one can face a cancer diagnosis and not have down days unless they’re made of stone. I decided to call my friends in turn one afternoon & was overwhelmed by the love and offers of support I got. I drank beer whilst calling them to give me some courage as it’s stressful telling people the bad news. I had put on a brave face until then, all it took was alcohol and kind words before I was crying. I actually felt some kind of relief afterwards & that I was absolutely entitled to let my guard down in this way. You simply cannot be positive all of the time, you must allow these perfectly normal emotions to come out, bottling things up is not a good idea. We’re all here for you and for everyone else in this group to offload whenever anyone feels the need. Bev x