positive test results.

Hi, I'm very sorry to hear your news. I'm new to this site and don't know what treatment you've previously had. I'm assuming you had surgery in the first place but not the 'usual' chemo/radiotherapy. Is that correct? The biopsy was very painful for me too afterwards it was about 3 weeks before I began to heal. I've recently completed chemo/radiotherapy for my Stage 2 squamous cell carcinoma. Having read some accounts of how the radiotherapy affected some people I was utterly dreading having it. That said, I only started to get side effects at week 5 and then the first 2 weeks after were the most painful but not as bad as I had feared. Looking back I only took 1-2 dosages of co-codamol a day during this period, this is now down to one dose a day and I am not good with pain.    Are you planning on telling your boys soon? I'm sure they would want to know to provide support to you. I hope you also have other support around you too. x

Hi. Thank you for your response. I've reread my post and am ashamed to say it's full of self pity. I apologise for that as I just dont feel positive on this journey and realise that positivity is key. And wish I could feel that way. 

in answer to your questions: no I've not had any chemotherapy or radiotherapy and have just had biopsy's. 3 at first last year were positive AIN grade 3 results. 4th done by Bournemouth hospital from Sanjay the dr on this site , was clear margins so I was hopeful it was resolved. Unfortunately after getting a clear diagnosis & 4months down the line I felt another lump & was getting the usual reoccurring symptoms that we experience with this god awful disease. So my Consultant I am under had me in within a month to have a look . He saw the lump and removed it , saying that he felt hed got it all out. That was last thursday & on Monday I had a call to say it was positive for cancer cells. I've been given an appointment for 25th sep to discuss Radiotherapy options as they say they'd like me to have it. I feel all over the place as am dreading this options although it's better than taking a chance I suppose... i havent got a clue what to ask and will obviously have to write a list of questions to ask. 

you sound very positive along with others on here  & this gives me hope but doesnt erase my fears around the whole process.... Sorry. it's just me. I dont feel physically or emotionally ready for any of this and suppose I'm just burying my head in the sand..although I know I will have to get with reality . 

It's difficult & have still not discussed it with my boys. The thought of them having to worry all over again kills me . the last year was bad enough. I'm not sure who I can talk to about it all & momentarily sitting in bouts of fear . I know there are many people worse off than myself but even that's not working when I remind myself of this & then I feel guilty for being such a wimp. 

I'm still suffering the biopsy after effects & only spending time between the bathroom & bedroom as everytime I get dressed and try to pull myself together it doesnt last.  I'm hoping next week ( week3) I will have healed sufficiently to get out for some fresh air. my youngest lad is looking after me as best he can right now & is a great help but still doesnt know I had the results on Monday - I just dont want to ruin his day . 

It's good news to hear you have completed both the chemo & Radiotherapy & I hope all is well for you now. Again, thank you for taking the time to respond. its appreciated , although I sound like a mess I know I'll have to deal with what comes. 

It sounds like I've written myself off, but I haven't.  I'm just petrified of the treatment & outcomes. I freaking hate cancer and all it brings with it. 

good luck with your ongoing recovery & please ignore my negative self x 

Hi, you absolutely don't need to apologise for not being positive. Nobody, no matter how positive they sound, can be like that 100% of the time including me.  Like you, after the biopsy, I shuffled from bed to toilet and back again. I found the pain after 'toilet time' difficult. It's pretty much the same pain going to the toilet after radiotherapy too but I had read that all the skin around people's groins burned and blistered. My skin went pink then red but it didn't blister and it never hurt and has now grown back perfectly normally. I think you may find radiotherapy isn't as bad as you are anticipating.  I do know what you mean about not wanting to put your boys through the worry again but I do think they would rather know than not.  I don't know if you've been assigned a key nurse yet, that will probably happen after you meet with your Consultant,but you can call them anytime for advice and mine was brilliant.   Chemo-radiotherapy is the usual treatment for this type of cancer and is very effective, you must bear that in mind when you think about the big c. Chemo was also fine for me, felt a bit sick the first week, sort of lie morning sickness then no side effects at all. Please keep us updated and always come on here with any questions, don't worry about being 'negative', it's a natural reaction and everyone here understands that. x

thank you x