My Big Sister has very recently been diagnosed with Anal cancer. She has been in pain for well over a year with drs just telling her she was constipated and giving her laxatives. Then she started po
ng from her vagina. Fast forward a few weeks she collapses in agony. My poor big sister was rushed to hospital on the sunday and on the tuesday they told her she has Anal cancer. She is just 40. Fasforward a week later, after more tests and scans etc they tell her its stage 4 and 'terminal'. It has spread to her vagina and lower back. She has had a stoma bag fitted and will soon be given chemodiation. She has little hard lumps in her groin and all over her lower back. She is not the sister i know, her weight has gone. She is in constant agony, she is full up off one or two bites of foodnd she is constantly tired. Can someone please explain a few things to me as my family are keeping this from me because im 'emotional and need to be protected because im the closest to her' 1) whats terminal? 2) what are these lumps on her? 3) WHY has this happened to her? She is the softest most sweetest person ever! 4) how did she get cancer? PLEASE can someone save her i cant bare to see h like this i love her so much all i can do is cry please please please help her she is so poorly and i dont know how much more our family can take 
Oh Sammie!
I'm so sorry that you’re having to watch your sister go through this right now.
Having gone through a diagnosis of anal cancer last year & subsequent treatment for this I saw what this did to my family & loved ones & I carried an awful lot of guilt for putting them through it all!
I’ve heard of a lot of people that go mid-diagnosed with this cancer & unfortunately this leads to staging at diagnosis being more advanced like with your sister. Sometimes this cancer can be driven by the HPV virus & other times there simply is no reason for it occurring, as with me, I was 53 & to my knowledge healthy when diagnosed last February & have no family history of any cancers at all! I went to the Dr’s thinking I might have piles but thankfully my Dr was on the ball, got another GP in for a 2nd opinion & put me straight on the 2 week pathway to the lower colon team at my local hospital where I was diagnosed a couple of weeks later.
Hopefully your sisters Dr’s will get her chemo-radiotherapy moving pretty quickly & with her having a stoma already fitted this will take at least some of the side effects of the treatment away from her. I’m also presuming from my own experience with this that the lumps in her groin are enlarged lymph nodes, my oncologist had always checked my groin for any sign of this.
I know your family must be in turmoil right now & are probably trying to protect you from further hurt but try & explain the stress you’re feeling with so many unanswered questions & maybe they will sit down & explain your sisters position a little further with you.
Families need care & support throughout a cancer diagnosis too & you sound as though you’re desperate right now, please get yourself some support either through Macmillan or through Cancer Connections or any of the other support services out there, these services are not just there for the person that is diagnosed but they support the people that are close to that person also, exactly like you.
Please keep in touch on here though & I’m praying that once in treatment your sister begins to improve.
Nicola x
I'm sure your sister will settle a bit easier when she’s home again. There’s people on this forum that have gone through the chemo-radiotherapy with a stoma & hopefully they’ll see your post & be able to offer some words of encouragement too.
The treatment itself is short & sharp but definitely doable & all of us on this forum have been treated at all different stages of the disease, lots of us with positive results.
The diagnosis itself is absolutely devastating for both the person going through it & those closest to that person, I remember thinking I wasn’t going to see both my daughters next birthdays! It sometimes takes a while but I think many of us at some point in this journey have ask ourselves ‘why me’ as you’re asking yourself about your sister! Unfortunately for lots of us there is just no answer to that.
Remember to take care of yourself in all of this too then that will help you in supporting your sister.
Sending lots of healing thoughts your way.
Nicola x
Hello
i like all the other soldiers on this site am so very sorry to hear this news about your lovely sister.
I had a temporary stoma fitted before my treatment. It was very challenging as it prolapsed early on, being honest I am hyper active usually so I was probably doing too much!!! Tell your sister to be very careful not to overdo it!!!!!
She will find a way of managing and it becomes second nature, I have called mine stomee and have a friend who calls her looee!!!!!
For me it was a small price to pay to fight cancer head on.
You sound like a very close family so please find strength in each other , you will find it as you have no option but to go forward and fight. 
Take all the support that is offered in any form as many people have been through this journey and they are the ones that understand what you are going through.
A lot of focus just now is on the patient so you need to try to look after yourself , perhaps a wee chat with your go? They could maybe give you something to help you cope through this trauma.
Thus is a family trauma do not underestimate that. , no one asks for it and there are no reasons why any of us are chosen. But if we are fortunate to make it through we come out stronger with a huge change in how you view life.
Please help yourself first, then you can support your family.
Keep positive.
Much live
Lorna xxx
Hi Sammie84,
I am so, so sorry to read this sad news about your sister. It must be so difficult for you seeing her this way & I’m sure it’s pretty normal that you’re praying for an end to her suffering. You’re bound to be in absolute turmoil right now but amongst all of this please remember to try & take care of yourself also. There is no need to thank us on here at all we’re here to support you, that is what the online community is all about, we don’t only support people that have received a diagnosis but family members/friends too.
Please know that I’m thinking of you all at this sad time.
Nicola x
Dear Sammie, I am so sorry to hear about your Precious Sister's diagnosis. We are here for you whenever you need someone to talk to.
I am Praying for God's Overwhelming Love Comfort Strength and Peace for You both 
God Bless, Theresa
