Failed at the last hurdle

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Hi everyone   ..

was entering the home straight , last 3 days when a weekend of wind , tummy ache and loose stools saw me in hospital on a drip !!! 
they have taken away my last 3 days of chemo tabs but not the radiotherapy .. I feel a total failure at the moment …. Lost about 1/2 stone in weight and now worried my treatment hasn’t worked .. thanks for the rant .. hope you all having a better day ? 
take care 

Chrissie xx

  • Hi Chrissie,

    I'm sorry to hear you ended up in hospital, but was obviously the right thing to do to get you better.  We have to trust that the professionals know what they're doing don't we, but it can be worrying.

    I've also lost weight since the start of my treatment and haven't managed to put it back on yet, although I guess it's early days.  It also worries me, I'd really like to get back to my normal weight.

    Please don't feel like a failure.  You've done so well during this brutal time.  At one point they weren't going to give me my last round of chemo and my Oncologist said it wouldn't affect the outcome of my treatment - she said the first round was the most important.

    Take time to focus on these last few days and rest as much as you can.  The next couple of weeks will be rough but please know that you'll get through it and will feel so much better soon.

    Take care

    Georgie x

  • Oh Chrissie,

    It's not a test!  You haven't failed at all! You're in the home stretch of the marathon and you are a HERO!

    I've read so many accounts from people who have had stumbling blocks during treatment and not received 100% of what was originally prescribed and gone on to be just fine. Remember, they HAMMER us with this very difficult treatment to make it extremely likely that the cancer gets torpedoed. That last chemo is just a smidge of icing on the cake. 

    Weight loss was the only positive for me, and sure enough, it all came back. 

    Are you still in hospital? You'll finish up radiation this week?

    Just breathe. You're nearly done and chances are excellent that you're going to be done with THIS sort of thing for the rest of your life.



  • Hi Georgie , 

    hope things are getting better post treatment and life slowly coming back ? You have done so well .. 

    thanks for your words of encouragement , it is a brutal time and we have so many questions to ask ? I have missed my family , friends and social life and like you , want to be back at my pre treatment weight 

    thanks again for your support 

    take care 

    Chrissie xx

  • Hi Suz , 

    Hope you doing well ?

    think I’m here overnight and will get my radiotherapy ..

    I know it’s not a failure but it felt like it last eve when I was told to come in , one poo too many !!!!

    will keep you posted , thanks for support 

    big hugs 

    Chrissie xx

  • Hi  ,

    Please don’t feel like a failure, you’re a champ even if you don’t feel much like one at the moment. Also please don’t worry about missing the last 3 days of chemo tablets, from what I was lead to understand the capecitabine is a cell division inhibitor that holds our cancer stable whilst the radiotherapy zapps the heck out of it so it’ll have done its job already.

    Weightloss - I was told towards the end of my treatment that I needed to fill up on stodge! I was told to eat lots of carbs, things such as bread & potatoes as from my diagnosis I’d lost almost 3 stone by the time I was entering week 4! I’d seriously cleaned up my diet after receiving my diagnosis (knee jerk reaction) & cut all processed foods & sugars & seriously reduced my carbohydrate intake, I now know that wasn’t sustainable for me! But had I continued losing weight they were going to have to replan the rest of my treatment as my shape had changed quite dramatically & the measurements for my treatment plan were in danger of not lining up properly any more. 

    It’s almost time for you to enter the healing phase of this journey, be kind to yourself & as difficult as it can be try to think positive thoughts, think of this as the beginning of the rest of your life & a happy, healthy one at that. 


  • Hi Nicola

    I have emotional tears as without you all , I would not have got through this journey , your words , your experiences and your support , truly enrich me .. I hope I can do the same for others facing the same fears ?

    I have spoken to a dietician and am trying hard to pile on the stodge .. not easy when your tummy bloats , makes awful noises and pushes stuff out the other end !!!! 
    take care 

    Chrissie xx 

  • Noooo!  You haven't failed, you have done amazingly well and only three days (two now) to go.  I am so sorry to hear you have been unwell, I also ended up in hospital one weekend on a drip and going through many pairs of Tena pants!  You will get through this, and once your stomach quietens down you can eat whatever you fancy, in fact at this stage my appetite was so badly affected had cheese, mustard and onion on toast every day - it was the only thing that hit the spot!

    Hope you are feeling better today.

    Big hug

    Irene xx

  • Hi Irene , 

    I go from constipation to multi stools and yes our appetites are really messed up 

    hopefully home tomorrow 

    have a good sleep 

    Chrissie xx

  • Oh Chrissie I’m so sorry to read you’re in hospital but you’ve done so well, this treatment is brutal Weary

    wishing you a speedy recovery hunni Kissing heart

    I must be the only one who’s actually put on weight Flushed n I could have done with losing a bit lol Blush can only put it down to lying on the sofa n not running around at Next on the shop floor 4 days a week! Gonna be tough to get back into that!! X

  • Ahh thank you , 

    brutal is definitely the best way to describe it , 

    hope your recovery going well ?

    big hugs 

    chrissie xx