Hello to the Group

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  • 34 subscribers

Hi everyone.

I was recently diagnosed and my treatment is scheduled to start on 27th November.

I am usually described by people who know or meet me as a 'Force of Nature' but yesterday I hit an extremely low point. That is how I came to find this group. Clumsily introducing myself in reply to someone else's post which I realise was a poor entrance. I was in a bad place.

I run my own business, plus a community project, and have tenants and am a single woman in my fifties. So my life is hectic. I was in a relationship, but my boyfriend hasn't been able to cope with my situation, and won't be around to support me, as he had promised until a final stressful 'fabricated' row about a week ago, which gave him the exit he needed. I know I have to let go of thoughts about this, and concentrate on the battle ahead. I know my friends are anxious I do that too.

I have a number of really good friends, who are going to be my support throughout the next couple of months. No family near enough to help.

I will have to work but am hoping to work half days. If I don't I won't have a home after this is over. I am currently seeing financial advisors regarding remortgaging. I have a commercial mortgage currently which doesn't offer the same forebearance as a residential mortgage. But I am getting the best advice and we are reviewing possibilities.

Two days ago one of my tenants handed in their notice, and on inspection it turns out we have to do a lot to his room before reletting, and that will be around Christmas New Year, in the height of my treatment. Oh Joy!! Well I needed a project after all. Seriously, already 2 of my male friends who work in trade have been round and said they will take over. You may wonder why I'm even thinking about this right now but I have no savings, and my finances are on a knife-edge, so this rental income is essential.

In the 8 weeks or so since I noticed a small bleed followed by feeling a lump myself, I have been in a frenzy of adjusting my usual chaotic work schedule around initial appointments for scans etc, absorbing information, rallying friends and working out how people might be able to help. I am pleased to say I have amassed an amazing friendship group over my lieftime, who are all bringing different skills to the table. We have already worked on practical solutions to allow me to work more easily, and are looking at my showering facilities (had never finished the floor and only had a bath).

The funny thing is that before my staging was confirmed last week, I wasn't at all scared, and I expected to be over the moon to be told I was at a relatively early stage and could likely be cured by treatment, but in fact, since I've known for sure what I'm dealing with, I've been really scared about the side-effects. Which makes me feel like I'm a shallow person.

My best friend thinks it's understandable, and says I have been really strong for the past 2 months. She thinks I needed the day in bed yesterday crying and allowing myself to express my fears. I'm not used to it. I am already getting back on with work today for a bit while I can.

So onwards and upwards after my self-indulgent weekend.

I have 2 weeks to go and would really appreciate any advice any members of the group can give me in planning for my treatment.


  • Hello!

    I think it was my post that you replied to. Thanks for sharing your story. Seems we will be having similar things at the same time so will be good to keep in touch.

    Similar to you, my staging affected me quite badly. I'm T4N1AM0 due to the location of my tumour which is at a particularly inconvenient spot.

    The biggest issue I'm having at the minute is over analysing every pain and feeling I have. Luckily, I know someone in real life who has gone through it. She's not gone into detail about the treatment. She just keeps telling me I will be able to handle it which is enough for me.

    As with you, I'm anxious about some of the potential long term side effects and I may be in a similar position with my boyfriend as you so we will have that in common too.

    Who knows what the future holds but we can do it. Just need to blast the little blighter away.

    Have you been given any advice from your team? I feel like now all the scans are done and the treatment is decided and a date is set, I don't know what to do with myself. I've been going to one or two appointments every week so feels a bit mad to just have to wait now.

    On the plus side, I'm honestly a little proud of my tattoos. I keep showing them to people. We are so lucky that we can take action against this and are able to do something about it.

    Looking forward to supporting you through this. We can do it. My take line at that minute is that our courage is stronger than our fear and I really believe that.

    Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Xx

  • Aw bless you for that. Thank you so much.

    Yes it was me jumping on your post with my clumsy size 9s. Thank you for being so understanding.

    Yes it seems we are almost going through this together. Not a club I imagine either of us ever expected to join. 

    I am usually a very practical person, and I consider the fact I have to work as a blessing, and a welcome distraction. I'm not sure I'd envy you having time on your hands right now, especially as you say there is a strange waiting period. I have my planning CT scan on Tuesday, I assume I will also be showing off my Tatts!! (Yet another club I never imagined I'd join)..

    Let's stay in touch shall we?


  • Yes I tried to work but my boss seemed to think it was better for me to be off. I can't complain. I have a good pay and sickness policy which I'm very lucky to have.

    It's funny you know. If you'd have told me when I was 25 that I was going to get cancer and asked where I thought it would be I'd have guessed something to do with my bottom. I've always had trouble in that area and suspected I had ibs but who knows how long I've had it. You seem to have responded to your symptoms fairly quickly. I've been having treatment for hemmheroids for over 12 months which now, obviously was the cancer. I wish I'd been more persistent with my gp but its the last thing you expect isn't it.

    Happy to keep in touch. Its nice to have someone else going through similar experiences to keep you grounded. I'm in my 30s and the first of my friends to have any major health issue.


  • Oh darling that's tough. You are too young to have to be dealing with this.

    I had cervical cancer treatment in my mid twenties, which is apparently why I have this now. Although I'm in my mid fifties I've always lived my life as though  I were still in my thirties. Hopefully that counts!! 

    What part of the country are you based?


  • Yardbird

    It is so good to hear your full story, although I am sorry to hear that you have these financial worries hanging over you - the last thing you need when facing this.  However, I am tagging  as she was able to access financial help during her treatment and she may be able to help with information about this.  I am really pleased that your friends are rallying round (good friends are the best, aren't they?!) and don't be afraid to take advantage of their offers in the coming weeks - it isn't for long.

    Please, please don't regard yourself as self-indulgent or shallow, you most definitely are not - my self-indulgence would be off the scale if I were to think back and compare myself to you in the early days of diagnosis when I couldn't answer the phone, talk to the specialist nurse or be proactive about any aspect of my care, in fact I was a gibbering wreck.  So be kind to yourself, accept the most help that you can and reach out if you need more.  I found it amazing the number of people who stepped up, propped me up and are still around to support me on down days (which thankfully are relatively few).

    I have already passed on some hints and could only add be prepared to squeeze in some time off if you possibly can.  And we are always here to talk.

    Irene xx

  • I'm in Wigan how about you? How are you feeling today?

  • Surrey just south of London.

    Better because I was busy in my work. I wanted to clear the decks so worked a longish day as I have my planning CT scan (and tatts) tomorrow.

    How about you? How are you feeling?


  • Hi Yardbird,

    The back o' me hand to your thankfully ex-bf, and a huge hat tip to your best friend who sounds like a class act. 

    Thinking yourself shallow, with all you have on your plate and how well you're dealing, makes me want to shake you. Or hug you. Or both.

    Plan to work if you must and want to, but do try to make some plans to be able to have days where you can't. I sure hope the mortgage can be worked with. But it sounds as if you have a great attitude, great friends and a great will to succeed and take care of yourself, so I think you're going to ace this. 

    Glad you found this place. Don't worry about occasional post hijacking. Most of us do from time to time!



  • Thank you Suz, what a lovely reply!!

    What's your story?