Hi everyone,
I just wanted to post here to get some support, from the intiial point were I thought something could be wrong to how we got here is only two monhts and it's a pretty bleak prognosis. My parent has been diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, intially they thought it was confined to the pancreas but is has spread to the liver, I don't know to what extent but the sugrery which they had hoped to get is no longer an option and they are about to start palliative chemotherapy tomorrow.
They have been given 3 - 6 months to live without chemotherapy and 6 - 12 with chemotherapy, which I know from the past can be brutal.
As a family we are obviously distraught and trying our best to hold it together but this is a huge amount to come to terms with particulalry for them.
I wonder if I could ask some advice on several things.
1. This prognosis looks bleak, but I can't help myself from holding out hope they will do better than expected. I know these can sometimes be averages and wonder if it is worth hoping for better. They have the BRCA gene, which I believe has caused it, and the oncologist intially said would mean that the cancer would respond well to chemo, I wonder if this has been factored in to the prognosis and if therer is any room for help. I am unsure if they asked about clinical trials too and thought this is worth doing. Is there any resonable room for hope or am I being a fantasist?
2. The person who has been diagnosed is reeling form it. Usually my parent is up beat, happy, enegertic and just enjoys life. But it is clear they are struggling a lot, they are depressed and incredibly tearful. I feel like something has already changed and it won't go back. I just want to support them as best that I can but am sometimes unsure how to do this, I am trying to let them talk about the darker side when they feel able, and then acting as normal as I can outside of that, making chit-chat, finding things to watch that I know they like, and suggesting places we can go. I am trying to reassure them that I am fine, so they focus can be on them, and when I am home I am trying to cook and clean as best I can, and have also looked into meal services which may help[ them when everything is really overwhelming. If anhyone has an experience supporting someone like this could you please offer me any advice?
3. Despite wanting to stay strong and perhaps being a little bit in denial, I am am struggling too. I feel I can't sleep, at night it all hits me, and I feel I am crying all the time. I don't really want to do anything and it feels wrong to enjoy myself. I am just doing mind numbing things and feel I just sit there in silence, I don't really want to see my friends either. I feel this could be around a year and honeslty everyday just feels like a timer. I have the thought I don't want to go to sleep because when I wake up I will have one less day with them and I am finding it unbearable. They are quite young just in their mid 60s and are meant to be embarking upon the happy part of their life where they fully enjoy retirement. I feel they have been robbed of this, and as best as we can try, our family will be broken after this. I'm not really sure what my question is here, I just don't know what to do.
4. I am learning about this disease all the time. I don't know a huge amount about cancer, or pancreatic. I understand it is not too common but that is usually very deadly because it is often caught late and is often aggresive. It might help to understand more about this, and how best to make someone comfortable. Particualry with food, eating and pain. Real practical things than can make some difference. They are eating smaller meals already but I think if the food is good they are more likely to eat and keep their strenght up. Is there any resources I could look at, or any help people have found?
5. I am very worried about end of life. I don't really know what is looks like but I understand cancer is brutal to the body. I want to be there as much as I can and am lookign at finding a new job so I can be closer to my family if I need to be, but I'd like to be prepared for this if I can, what needs to be done, what does it look like, how can i prepare myself.
I know that we are not special and that this is devasting for everyone, but I can't help feel so angry and how unfair this is. My parent has had cancer 3 times now, and I know they are aware of what is going to happen as they have a medical backrgound. I cannot help but have this change my worldview, this isn't good, life isn't fair, and if this is what can happen (and much worse) what is generally the point of anything. I knwo that sounds quite childish but I don't see the good in anything.
Sorry for the ramble and definite spelling mistakes. I know everyone has a lot going on after reading parts of this forum. Any help here would be very good right now.
