Hi. My partner has stage 4 bowel cancer with lung mets. It is only in the lungs at the moment but inoperable due to being in lots of places. We thought she overcame it last year after a tough year of chemo and liver and bowel resections. We were told she was in remission in December, had a nice family Christmas only to be told in January that it had resurfaced in the lungs.
She is physically pretty good at the moment so they have not yet started further chemo. It looks like this will begin in July. Once it starts, she's on it for the rest of her days. They say she might have 9 -18 months.
To compound matters, her dad has just died leaving a frail elderly mother who is unaware of my partner's condition. She doesn't want to upset her mum so is dutifully looking after all of her dad's admin, arranging the funeral etc.
I know i should be grateful for the time we now have left together but it is ripping me apart seeing her look after everyone whilst carrying this unwelcome secret. I am amazed at her strength and dignity every single day but I cannot help but feel incredibly sad, often hopeless, when I watch her ploughing gainfully on.
We have a lovely life together, and whilst I think I am over the anger and the "why her?" feelings, I am just constantly sad and don't want her seeing me moping around. I don't show too much (although we do talk about these things sometimes). Does anyone have any tips for self-pity and sadness at my partner's dignity in the face of such monumental issues?
Thanks!
