Just wanted to really come and share with like-minded people.
My mother in law sadly passed away last Tuesday. She had been living with terminal primary bone cancer with secondary of the liver for coming up 3 years. A month ago she had asked for a life expectancy and was given 4-6 months as all treatment had been stopped. As a family we knew she was declining but it knocked us all for six. Just short of 2weeks ago, she fell, hitting her head. Initial checks at A&E showed no signs of concusion and was glued up and given orders of rest. Three days later she was admitted to hospital after she showed delayed signs of concussion snd confusion, so had a CT scan which showed a small bleed on the brain. It also showed that the cancer had begun to spread onto her neck. She seemed OK, but by Thursday of that week, it was decided from assessment and observations of her, she needed 24hr care. They'd also said that the life expectancy had reduced to 4-6 weeks- another huge blow. So a Hospice or Care home was the next thing for her. By the Sunday she was not speaking much, mumbling a great deal and in and out of sleep. The Monday evening I had gone and visited her with my father in law and I was shocked how much she had declined. Less than 12 hours later she was on oxygen which did help improve her SATS, however 2 hours later she was gone.
I thought we had a day or two at least but just like that, in no pain or discomfort and with her husband by her aide she drifted away. The medical staff on the ward were so shocked and apologetic at how quickly and suddenly she passed away. They were incredible, so respectful and so sorry for her sudden loss.
Complete ramble but just am at a loss. My husband understandably is upset and grieving the loss, as we all are of his mum. But he is taking all his emotions out on our two young children. I understand as I am sure everyone does that children test you, especially at you most emotional moments. But I'm finding he is screaming and shouting at them for the simplest of things and then they are upset because Daddy was like this to them.
I've suggested and at times asked him to just walk away when he feels like he is getting worked up with the children but he's gone all defensive on me.
Just want to know how others have supported their other half's who are going through this loss.
Hi Alice87 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm so sorry to read that you've recently lost your mother-in-law to cancer. It must be a tremendously difficult time for you all.
I hope that you don't mind me recommending that you also join the bereaved family and friends forum as you'll then connect directly with others who are trying to support family members after a bereavement.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
You might find this information from Macmillan on supporting someone who is grieving helpful.
Sending virtual ((hugs)) to you all
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
