I’m so scared

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My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in his stomach last year. After surgery and chemo he was given the all clear. But after feeling unwell and us arranging our own private scan, we discovered it had returned and spread to his peritoneal lining. He can have palliative chemo, but has only “several months “. He’s since been in hospital with blood clots and a pulmonary embolism. They did a stomach drain to relieve pressure at the same time.

I’m trying so hard to be strong and as positive as I can, but it’s so hard. I have meltdowns in the middle of the night when he’s asleep. 

But I’m so scared of what will happen when he gets worse and when he goes. We don’t have children so there will just be me. Friends keep telling me I’m part of their family, but I don’t want to be a burden.

I’m trying to cry quietly while writing this so he doesn’t ask what’s wrong…

  • Hello Paddy53.  I am going through exactly the same feelings as you.  In 2018 my husband was given 2 years due to liver cancer, he has survived three years past that, however, in March of this year, he tripped and broke his wrist.  X-rays showed that the fracture was a pathological fracture, and following more scans he was told the cancer had spread to his bones, spine, neck, pancreas, and he has multiple fractures in his back and neck.  He was then given 6 months.  He has lost so much weight he is unrecognisable and you keep on wondering when the nightmare will end, although you really don’t want it to end.  Like you, there is David and me, so I will also be on my own.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  

  • Ykcub

    You are going through it too. Sending you love.

    The unrecognisable situation sounds awful, but am I’m sure he changed mentally/emotionally too. I know Roger has.

    Take care.xx

  • I'm very sorry to read what you've both written here.

    I'm going through a similar situation with my wife's incurable illness. I'll also be entirely on my own when the sad day finally arrives. Of course I try to be strong - but it is getting increasingly difficult, and my dear wife is fading before my eyes. I am terrified of what's to come.

    I wish us all luck.

  • Just today found out I'm in the same boat as you, I'm sat here destroyed falling apart now my wife has gone to bed

  • Atrum, my heart goes out to you.

    My husband died on Wednesday. I can’t pretend it was easy, but he is at peace now. He couldn’t get a hospice bed, so was in hospital. They were brilliant with both him and me. 

    It’s very new and very tough, and I can’t offer any more advice but can send you a virtual hug.

    Take Care. 

  • I'm very sorry to read that.

    I hope you have good friends and family around to support you. I offer you my sincere sympathy, and my very best wishes. Please be strong, and honour the memory of your husband.

    Your virtual friend,

    PTP

  • My thoughts are with you, don't really know what else to say

    Take care

  • It's an impossibly difficult situation - and I'm very sorry that you find yourself in it.

    All I can offer you here is the assurance that you're not alone - and that your medical team are very much on your side.

    Keep active; do things to keep your spirits high; and never - never - give up!

  • I am so sorry that you are going through this unbearably painful journey. Please remember you are not alone,  you have folks here who are going through the exact same nightmare and although we can't wave a magic wand and make life normal again we can be here to offer support at your lowest moments and cheer you on when you are flagging. You are amazing and strong and obviously love your husband very much. Be kind to yourself and try and find some peace when you can.

    1. I feel so sad reading your post. It's just a hideous situation for you BOTH to be in. I understand your worries about being alone but whatever happens, you WON'T be alone