Hubby has terminal bowel cancer & cant discuss my fears with anyone

Love the idea you are off topic and bizarre,  That's how I am living my life at the moment. Supporting anyone you love either openly of privately in this situation is unique to you both. I had visions of reacting in a totally different way to the reality. One minute we grab little bits of honesty and share then I lose the plot in my head and run away an pretend it's not happening. I have friends, family and support yet still do the head held high  thing. "oh you are a strong person" is perhaps the most grating offer of support. Have allowed myself a few tears in front of the most unexpected people and it has truly been a relief. Perhaps some counselling may help you. I have found a combination of that and meditation eases the confusion. Take care and so glad you have shared your situation here. Every little offload helps believe me .

I am not sure anyone is ever prepared to watch someone they love go through something like this whoever they are to you, we are nearly 4 months in on this journey and my husband definitely handles it all better than me it is all very shocking as he was fit and well before all this- he is inspirational in his outlook and very accepting of what is happening - Palliative care was our only option tbh he was given 2-3 months without it so anything we get beyond this is a blessing, he is handling the chemo well and still doing most things he has always done so life is as ‘normal’ as it can be.  I also have a great support system for me and my 3 children who are 23, 20 and 15 but all live with us and I have a great counsellor who I can say things ‘out loud’ to and not get an emotional reaction which really helps.  I try and take one day at a time  not go down rabbit holes about the future.