I was told this would be the best forum to post in.
My Dad has had bowel cancer for a number of years. It was successfully treated but earlier this year he was told it had come back and was now terminal. He had some palliative chemo and radiotherapy but it did nothing. It’s spread everywhere and he is now dying. He’s lost so much weight and struggles getting up and down stairs and he’s just getting worse and worse.
I live a few hours away. Mum isn’t coping. Or rather, she’s coping by being as independent and stubborn as she can be. She’s not communicating with me very well, not helped by the fact we’ve never been especially close knit and also that I’m autistic and have a tendency to take things at face value.
I also struggle to get places on my own. I can drive but I find it difficult so rely on my husband. I did visit them a couple of weeks ago and offered to make it more regularly but mum finds having anyone in the house - nurses, hospice team etc really stressful so made it clear she didn’t want the hassle of me visiting again before Christmas.
It’s my birthday today and she’s called to tell me basically “Happy Birthday, your dad hasn’t left bed or eaten for 3 days. You’re going to notice a big difference when you get here for Christmas… if we get that far”.
I am numb and frozen. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t think my dad has long to live. I’m not doing well. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I have my husband but I can’t rely solely on him. I don’t have many friends and none of them live anywhere nearby. I feel so selfish talking about my own needs but I’m also worried if I don’t, I won’t be able to support my parents or worse, I’ll become a burden myself.
