Dilemma-not sure what ti do

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Hello My dad is currently receiving end of life care and is most probably in his final weeks. I am doing my best to support my mum snd also managing my own feelings but struggling. I am due to be going on holiday in afew weeks with my husband and son snd fair to say we all need this holiday after a particularly challenging year. My dilemma is whether to go. Whatever I decide to do I am going to let someone down. If we cancel I let my husband and son down but to go I may not be there for mum. My mum snd I have discussed this at length and we both agree dad would hate the thought of me not going. I can hear his voice strongly although I have not had this discussion with dad. I know dad would be so upset to think I am worrying over this. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you   

  • I take it u don't have other siblings around? My dad passed away 4 yrs ago & I have to say loneliness hit my mum big time as they did everything together. I have a brother though. Companionship is the thing that mum has struggled with.

    Is it an option for her to go with you?

    Or could she stay with a friend? Or a friend stay with her?

    Try & remember the good times & a healthy looking dad. Sending strength & hugs to cope with this difficult time. Hope he passes peacefully xx

  • I know exactly how you are feeling as we are going through the same thing with my mum, we where due to go away in 4 weeks time but we decided to cancel our holiday as I couldn’t live with myself if something happened if we where not their as my sister lives 6 hours away so my parents only have myself here and my husband and 2 grown up sons.  Sending hugs and I am sure whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you and your family.

  • Thank you for your message x we found  out today that dad has got afew days perhaps a week. We are due to go away on the 20 th so it is most probable he will have passed away. I have spoken at length about this scenario with my mum, brother and sister in law who can be here for mum. They have said they will support mum and I should go but it just feels so wrong. It’s awful. Also I will be dealing with my own grief. X

  • I'd say, reschedule the holiday and make it one you can enjoy more fully another time. If you can. You'll be a pain to be with :)

    My Dad has pancreatic cancer and is not far from the end. I was due to go away and couldn't stand the thought of missing precious moment, or significant events. I share your feeling.

    HH 

  • Going away at a time of crisis….. tough decision to make….. my personal choice would be to cancel and reschedule or if unable to reschedule, just wait until the time ‘feels’ right. If all your instincts are saying ‘this is wrong’, then listen to your inner voice and don’t do something that will make you feel bad in the coming months/years. Whenever I’ve gone against my instincts I’ve always regretted it and wished I could turn the clock back…. which, as we all know, we can’t do.  Everyone is different and no decision is right or wrong, it’s just one that is made in a very difficult situation. My heart goes out to you and your family, love and hugs xx