Christmas

Hi there. I can't really advise on family politics, but I do think that until people have been close to someone is dying, they don't always realise how hard it is for them to see visitors. My hubbie is EOL. Like you, I'm not sure he will make Christmas. Seeing visitors exhausts him. At the moment I only allow him one visitor every 2 days. It is more than enough for him. But everyone is different. Maybe your mum likes visitors and it gives her energy? It sometimes feels hard disappointing people who want to see him, but my primary obligation is to my husband not to them. I hope you can work out an arrangement that you and your mum feel comfortable with. 

Hi there, you are absolutely not being unreasonable! & he should be thinking the same way as you..it’s a special time for your close family not his wife’s family it’s not the rite circumstances I don’t think anyway, he should be thinking of your mum & how she will feel with a stranger at this time. Sounds quite rude for me to say but your mum comes 1st & he should see that. We are having a similar problem except it’s my brother who is going to his wife’s grand house for dinner with all his wife’s family! When my sister & I care for my mum every day & Xmas Eve & Xmas day is no different for us but we do know it’s our mums last Xmas & she won’t be sitting at a table or eating Xmas dinner but her family & grandkids will be there in the room with her & I know that will make her as happy as she can be under the circumstances, but my brother hasn’t even considered he should be there never mind come & Try give my sister & I a break for a min & let us have  a wine & take over for a bit! Maby it’s just a guy thing not really thinking of the bigger picture! Hope you have a lovely Xmas & praying for us all we get this last one to share with our loved one  xx

Hi sky 

How’s your mum doing ? I know exactly what your saying with regards to your brother . I’m just hoping we can get my mum to my house . Yesterday she was so weak even when she was talking she was struggling . It’s heartbreaking watching her waste away . Xxx

Hey, aww my mums pretty much the same , really weak & getting so thin she’s getting a bit breathless to and loads of flem but too weak to cough it up so it sounds terrible , her cancer nurse is out to see her tomorrow who knows what she will say! Right now I’m making her comfy on her couch through the day watching tv & at night I walk her into bed slowly again trying to get her comfy! But each day she gets up she gets slower and slower at moving and walking, is your mum still managing to walk what have her nurses said to her? No one has given us a time frame but I’d say since September my mums needed full time care from my sister & I & since then things have just deteriorated. Hope your doing as well as can be at this stressful time xx

Hi sky my mums just the same weak and very frail . The doctor is reviewing her today so will see what they say . I’ve noticed your mum been recommended some medication maybe ring the Macmillan helpline see if they can offer any advice on it . Take care xx

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.. its my dads last Christmas to and my dad has only asked his son daughter which is me his grandkids ie me my brother my mam nd my kids.. to spend Christmas day.. as he says he is too tired to deal with everyone else  he doesn't want to much fuss being made.. I can't say nothing about your family situation.. but I think your in your right to feel the way you do xx