My dad was diagnosed about 5/6 years ago with prostrate cancer and he was managing very well, an inspiration really as he lived life to the full - The diagnosis was a shock and we (i have 3 older brothers) worried, it was as if i could put it to the back of my mind, most of the time and life carried on. In February 2020 we were told the cancer had spread to his liver and my dad is not expected to live beyond this winter. In Feb all i could do was cry but he still seemed his old self and i managed again to put it in a compartment in my head. Last week he has deteriorated significantly and i can no longer compartmentalise. I feel like im going mad, one minute im sad, then philosophical, crying, anxious and down. I am unable to focus on anything and i have had to ask to take a break from my studies (1st year PhD). I feel weak and annoyed with myself that i cant focus and continue to work as afterall my dads still here, he is increasingly in pain and feeling constantly sick etc but he is still conscious and able to get up sometimes. Not that i want him to die but im worried and scared for him if he gets worse and his pain gets worse. Is this the start of the decline or could he rally? How can i take a break from phd when i dont know how he is going to be and how long he he has. Im very close to my dad and im worried im not going to be able to deal with his death. My mum died suddenly when i was 19 and it floored me for many years when i look back.
So sorry to ramble and i know many people are living with horrendous situations and loss. My heart goes out to you. The reason for posting is to get advice on how to help my dad through this and whether what im experiencing is ‘normal’. Thank you so much. Sharon x
Hi Sharon and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to hear that your dad's health has recently deteriorated significantly. It must be a very difficult time for the whole family and it's no wonder that your emotions are all over the place.
Everyone reacts differently and there's no right way to feel. So what you're feeling is normal for you. You might find it helpful to have a look through this information from Macmillan on your feelings when someone has cancer. It's also very important to look after yourself and there are hints and tips in the link.
It's natural to worry that his recent decline means that he will continue to decline. The best person to speak to about this would be the team that is currently looking after him. Has he been referred to palliative care or is his GP or hospital medical team still looking after him? Whichever of these are currently responsible for his care will be best placed to tell you how things are progressing.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
