Final days but can't be there - help please

Hi Bambi2, forgive me for hopping over from the womb group but I noticed your post had not had an answer. I was so saddened to read your news about your father and the difficulties you are experiencing in visiting him. Unfortunately I have not been in the situation you are facing but I do know how painful not seeing relatives is as both my mother and father are in a care home at present, my mother terminal with an aggressive brain tumour and my father in late stages of lew y body dementia. We cannot visit either. I remembered that I heard Matt Hancock saying how distressed he was by the 13 year old boy dying without relatives around as he has a daughter the same age. It was in the covid update on 15/4/2020 ( bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52299590 ) . Sorry I haven't the tech skills to highlight it for you to get in directly but they said where possible relatives should be given the chance to say goodbye by using PPE or if that is not possible by using FaceTime or whatever it is called (sorry!). I don't know where you are in the country or what care setting  your dad is in. I think at the end of the day it's up to the hospital/card home as obviously want to limit spread of covid but if you haven't tried this route it may be worth a go as it's very distressing and not kind for relatives to pass without loved ones around. Failing that, as hearing is the last sense to go would it be possible for a nurse to hold a mobile phone to his ear for you to speak to him, albeit it may be a one sided conversation, or for you to record a message to be played to him. Sorry I cannot be anymore use but please be assured your family is in my thoughts and prayers .please take care and I hope you have so.e success with this dilemma. God bless love lamb.xx

Thank you for your lovely supportive words and thank you for highlighting the Matt Hancock speech.  My dad is at home with his wife so I have some comfort in that he won't be going through it alone but I had hoped I could be there to support them both and to say our proper goodbyes.  I think I will speak to the nurse again to see if there is anything I can do in terms of PPE etc.  I hope you get some comfort with your situation as well.

Thanks again

Hi

Click here for the message Little Lamb mentioned in her lovely message. I hope you will be able to find a way to be near, whether that is physically or via phone or social media. Thinking of you.

Love and hugs,

Hi Bambi2, it's me again. If you look in the posts for today, 7/5/2020 around 15:00 there is a post from Pauline at Macmillan titled End of life and visiting ( in Ask a nurse forum). She has laid out a lot of information which is very helpful and has a link to the Marie Curie paper which covers this subject in detail and may assist you when talking to your dad's nurse. I read this yesterday as well but being a bit incapacitated with computers and highlighting,plus it had a longer web reference, I would never have got the full data down for you. Thankfully an angel came along (LoobyLou49) and managed to highlight the Matt Hancock post for me. I am rather hoping my Angel is flying by today and help me out again by highlighting Pauline Macmillan post  so you can get in there directly. I hope you have some success with the nurse. Love and hugs, Lamb.xxx. LoobyLou49. Thank you for your help with my previous post. Would you possibly be able to highlight the Pauline Macmillan post 7/5/2020 15:00 for me to enable Bambi2 to get there directly? I haven't a clue how to do it! Thank you so much. God bless Lamb.xx

Hi Little lamb, I don't think I'm permitted to link directly to a question in the Ask a Nurse page as it's not a forum and we're restricted on the Ask an Expert pages. For now I'll provide the links in the question.

Marie Curie advice

Macmillan coronavirus info here

Community palliative care 

Very kind of you to have found it Little lamb.

Sending warm hugs to both,

Oops! Sorry LoobyLou, I never gave that a thought. In my naevity I thought everything was a forum! I had better get acquainted with these terms and learn what is what. Many thanks for trying to help me...I hope I haven't got you into trouble. Love and hugs. Lamb.xx  

Hi everyone 

thanks for your kind words. I’m sad to say my dad passed away this afternoon. I took your advice and managed to see him this afternoon with the permission and support of his brilliant palliative care team. An hour I left he sadly died. His wife was with him so he didn’t go alone. 

I’m so grateful for this forum and the advice and support. 

All the best 

Bambi, I am so very sorry to hear your news. I am so glad that they let you visit your Dad and that you got to say your goodbyes to him. It is comforting to know that he wasn't alone at the end and went peacefully having had his family around him. The coming days are going to be very difficult for you all so I pray that you will draw comfort from all the happy memories you have with him which you will carry in your heart forever. Please accept my deepest condolences and pass them onto your family. May you receive  peace at this difficult time and may He strengthen and comfort you all in the days ahead. God bless you sweetheart. Love Lamb.xx

Hi , I am so sorry for your loss but so happy that you got to see him. Last meetings are so very important.

Sending much love,

Hi Little lamb, no apologies necessary, thank you for finding it.

Love and hugs,