Struggling to cope with caring for my partner

I really feel sorry for you Ashgad this has all been very sudden for you both. So much for you both to deal with no wonder your partner is so distressed and frightened. You so rightly say it is the cancer that is causing him to lash the out and it those that are nearest and dearest who get the brunt of it. I can only suggest you talk to your GP to seek help and advise about what to do. You will find a way through this and I do understand what a horrible situation you are in. I hope today is better x

I'm sorry to hear that your situation is still as bad.

You know deep down that your partners behaviour is not really directed at you it's just that you are in the firing line and his aggression is probably the result of the medication and the disease but it's not very nice to be the one taking all the aggression.

Maybe a quick word with your GP or better still the hospital team looking after your husband so they could tweak his medication and this is something he could benefit from being assessed by the Acute Oncology Service, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll be admitted back into hospital but the nurses will be able to monitor him and liaise with the consultant etc. to make sure his medication is right for him.

However I would mention to someone about the pain he is experiencing after radiotherapy (was he given an alert card) is he experiencing any other symptoms that are worrying you that you think you need to make a call to NHS 111 for advice sooner rather than later.

If you don't want to speak with 111 you can speak to one of our specialist nurses today until 8 pm on 0808 808 0000 and discuss your husband.

But I'm really concerned about you and the feelings that because he is so distressed that you may not be the best person to look after him and hearing this indicates that you need help urgently and again you need to speak to your GP about your feelings and how it is affecting your health and ask him what help is available to you locally. There is help available to you in many forms and it can only be accessed with the help of your GP and your local County councils  Adult social care team who can arrange for a patient assessment on your husband and give you a carers assessment both assessments are different but they have the same objective to make life easier for your both, its costs nothing and you are under no obligation to agree to anything except maybe, if eligible, an attendance allowance or a carers allowance.

When speaking to doctors or social workers you should also say how the situation has been affecting you over a period of time and not concentrate on how you are affected today, give them the long term picture.

Can I suggest that you make at least phone this afternoon either to our nurses but preferably to NHS111 and seek help. Sorry but I'm going to be quite blunt but you need help and the sooner you ask for it the better and would ask you to think about this very carefully this afternoon, if you become ill and can't look after your husband who be there to look after you both.

Please keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on.

Ian

Thank you for your kindness Ian. I spoke to the acute Oncology service today and they were brilliant. He had a problem with his nephrostomy so it was a good excuse to get him up to the hospital and seen. They are changing his medication and monitoring the side effects to his radiotherapy closely. This had helped reassure him and me. 

I'm going to speak to my GP this week about support and my wonderful parents have been fantastic this weekend, including my mum coming up the hospital and hunting for a shop open at 7pm on a Sunday to get some gaviscon!

The truth is I have been running on empty with little sleep which is what I need to address to improve my resilience