My mum diag

Hiya,

I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now especially due to the such short time frame. I am 18, I have a friend my age who is going through a very similar circumstance where she only had a few weeks with her mum from diagnosis to her unfortunate passing.

My mum has terminal cancer but we're lucky to have more time with her than my friend and yourself. I connected with my friend and asked what do you suggest I do? The only thing she said what spend every moment you can with her. Even though most moments are tough with the pain and emotion but they're the moments that will stay with you.

I'm sure you've already been advised this but we have a lifetime to accept our mums situations, unfortunately our mums have been given a certain amount of time. My dad says we can be tough for her now while she needs us, and we all know when the time comes it will be a tsunami, but while she needs us we can be right here for her no matter how difficult because we have the time she doesn't have after to deal with it.

You are incredible for her right now, and you are incredible for yourself too. I would love to talk if ever you'd like to.

Chickpea x

Thank you .yes it is very hard with such a short time frame and what is even harder is that at the moment to look at her she looks ok .but we know as a family that this is going to change so quick as the team have advised that we will see a fast decline.

the hard part is I want to be with her but if I was to go every day she would then know that the time is near and she didn’t want to know how long .

yesterday was a hard day as she was planning for Christmas and what she was going to do :(

as a family we have all said when the situation changes we will be their every minute of every hour so she does not feel alone

im currently working in the care sector so fortunate to know what support their is for her towards the end in lines of pain relief and as long as my mum is calm and pain free that is all that matters to me

we are meeting as a family to talk about what her wishes are when the time comes (I’m not looking forward to this conversation but feel we need to do it now while she able to have a valued say in what she wants  

I think this conversation you will have will be a tough one, but a very necessary one. We have a few months left with my mum and even we need to talk about the reality of the time we have left. That conversation will never be an easy one, but in order to reach an acceptance of the reality it needs to be had.

May I ask how old you are? you are a very strong individual and I can't imagine what you must have felt when she was talking about Christmas. Do you think having an early Christmas with close family would be a good idea? It might not be as it could upset her knowing the time is close by. I would say see how your family conversation goes and be there for her as often as she wants you to be. I respect young your family a lot and I wish that this conversation is as constructive as possible.

Chickpea xx

Hi I am 32 years old .

i feel if we were to have Christmas earlier it may cause more upset as I don’t want my mother to feel the time is close as I want her to try and have quality whilst she can .

And your right the conversation does need to be had as I would not want to do something that she didn’t want as we live in West Yorkshire but all my mothers family are buried in south Shields’ so I need to know what her final wish is 

the conversation wil lbe with my father and my sister but I’m also trying to be strong for my sister as she is a single parent to three girls who love the nana they are 20,18-11 and I know that the time is going to be so hard for them 

we have told the oldest two about the outcome but we have decided not to tell the young one at the moment we will tell her when the situation deteriorates:( as we don’t want her being upset every day as she starts high school this time

Mwood, So sorry to read about your Mom. I have just looked at your other posts and it's Heartbreaking. My wife has been diagnosed with Small Cell Lung Cancer and is on Palliative Care. All I can suggest you all do is Live for Today, Yesterday has gone, Tomorrow is yet to come. Go around to your moms home and make as many nice memories as you can. Don't change anything, go and make her laugh, let her eat what she wants and make sure all your Nieces are there too. 

Cherish every moment that you have left with her but try not to get upset in front of her as this will upset her. Grab her and Hug her like you have never hugged her before.

Take Care with everything and God Bless You all. 

Thank you we are aiming to be strong as a family I’m just struggling with the fact that they said weeks but what does that even mean I have been going over daily and at the moment she looks ok in her self and I think that is the hardest part we have discussed with district nurse about anticipatory medication but I’m just struggling my mum is not one to complain and is not showing any signs of pain or discomfort so that is a blessing 

Mwood keep doing what you are doing. If your Mom feels well enough try and see if she wants to go for a Pub Lunch or something. It is a blessing that she isn't in pain because she could really suffer,but she isn't.(thank God)

All of you keep strong and just carry on doing what you are doing

God Bless You all

:) yes I’m great full that she is not in pain.

she currently doesn’t wish to do anything my parents own a caravan in Wales and she loved to go their so we said we would take her their and she said she didn’t want as she said the drive would be to long .

she also enjoyed bingo so we said we would take but again she declined I feel that she is giving up as she does not want to do the things she enjoyed 

Mwood she isn't giving up. She is probably embarrassed with her situation and if she takes ill. Just go along with her choices. I know what you are going through. I have had it with my wife, so I just let her chose what and when. Its heartbreaking to watch but all we can do is make them happy and comfortable

God Bless 

Hello, 

I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through right now. My Mum was given 4 weeks at the beginning of May and she died at the beginning of June. The time before her death was heartbreaking, confusing, stifling - a complete minefield. It was the hardest time to navigate and at times seemed completely surreal. I don’t think anything can prepare you. I really resented my Mum’s final diagnosis and whilst things are still very raw for me, with the benefit of hindsight, I am so very grateful for that time. 

My Mum and I had plenty of ups and downs in her final weeks but we also got the opportunity to spend almost every moment together, I said everything it was important for me to say to her and despite not always getting things right, I would not have changed a thing. Mum knew she was absolutely loved and that come what may, she was surrounded by love and people who cared for her. 

Its a frightening and unknown time for everyone. Take each moment as it comes - there will still be light-hearted moments in amongst the agony, eat and sleep as well as you can manage and be kind to yourself. 

Sending a huge hug from someone who can relate to what you’re going through xxxx

p.s. You will be so pleased that you took emergency leave from work. You will never get this time again. Focus on your family xxx