At the beginning of this week my partner and I got the news that the cancer has won against the experimental immunology trial. The trial has stopped and in the last 4 weeks it has spread right through liver, into lungs and kidney. We have been advised to shorten time frames and hope for a few months, but the progress is fast.
So our job, is to adjust to the new normal. For us there seems to be a pattern of a short period of being knocked sideways and then by keeping away from friends we can adjust and step back out in the world ready to help others adjust. We are starting to try and adjust to the new shorter period - scary at times but no holding things back. New things to learn about getting paperwork tidy, palliative care teams, advance care planning, sorting the house, balancing work for me. And the continued managing uncertainty and anxiety and rather a lot of sleeplessness.
I will be eternally grateful that we had 14 months notice - he got the terminal label in April 2018. We have been able to make the most of the time. My partner just managed 61st birthday which was a bonus. Today I feel optimistic (although anxious) that we can adjust to the new normal and he has the strength to face his ending and I have the hope and strength to face his ending and learn about how to be without him.
In the carers group, there is someone called Panic who has inspired me that nearing the end can be held well by the person dying, the partner and by the services. This has really helped reassure me that things whilst difficult, will be manageable.
