A good day

So pleased for you NellieJ.

I arranged friends to spend time with Julie for weekends, gave her a change of company and gave me some respite.

Hope you feel recharged and love the fact that you have slapped cancer into 3rd place!! Brilliant.

8 years on Thursday I was given my incurable diagnosis. I have just had a lovely overnight away with my daughter and some dear friends. My husband who is my main carer has started playing golf once a week with friends to give him a break. I realise I am very lucky and cherish every minute of doing what I can when I can xx

Hi NellieJ

Its wonderful to hear these stories and how even small things can make such a difference.

It gives me hope for my Dad who has Pancreatic cancer, he is having palliative chemo but is doing very well despite a poor prognosis.

My daughter gets married next June and I am trying to focus on getting him there - it may be pie in the sky but it’s keeping me going for now.

Thankyou all, you’re amazing!

mm

Heartening to hear others  and helps me appreciate hanging onto tiny things.  I'm also content in third place a fair bit of the time. My partner and cancer have so much to sort out with each other that I need to make sure I give space to him coming to terms with dying, probably before  the year is out.  

Today is a good day because he has a friend over talking motorbikes not cancer. 

Another good day.  The end is getting closer - we now have hospice at home nurses and are doing end of life planning and he's getting weaker. However, yesterday was another good day. Having not been out for a couple of days he felt strong enough to go out on his motorbike (me on my vespa scooter). An old friend of his popped in and they rattled on about nonsense. Positive planning about getting life insurance and death in service work paperwork done, just enough to feel organised without it being too morbid, and it is helping him to know that he is trying to leave things orderly for me.  And on top of that he's building a viking long boat model which is some Nordic thing they did sending people who die out to sea in a burning boat. I am astonished and in awe at his dignity and courage in facing death square in the face. Cancer defiantly in third place yesterday and today, even though it is going to end up with in first place with the gold.  

Hi Nellie,

So pleased to hear about a special day you have had.

People spoke a few times about Cancer winning and beating Julie (she passed away in January) - but I disagree...

It took her life but nothing else - it tried to beat her down with awful treatment, left her little body somewhat mutilated with operations, gave her pain and all of that - but it never took her dignity, never took away from her who she was and wanted to be - the best Mum, the best Daughter, the best Partner and the best Friend.

Sounds to me like your hubby is going to deny cancer the victory it seems to crave and I for one salute him!

Every blessing to you both and use your camera all the time.

Much love.

Rob.

Sussex, thank you and I have mixed feeling about the winning/loosing/battling terms.  Your posts are very touching and heartening that people can come to a point of accepting what is going to happen without giving in or feeling a Looser.  There is still anger for him and resentment towards the living and tears when he thinks about me and his boys.

There is  fear for me about how and when he is going to die.  He did joking suggest that he practices dying and pretends to be dead around the house to give me a few rehearsals -  I nearly found that funny it was such a shocking idea.  I do apologies if that upsets anyone. 

What astonished me is that he can put some of the raw emotions aside and  still be curious about what it will be like and wants to experience it  "I've never died before and I wonder what it will be like."  A big factor is that he has decided that in the last couple of days he wants to be in the hospice as we had a tour and he felt "safe to let go there when the time comes".  Plus there are people there that know what they are doing.  His job is to be good for a long as possible then let go. 

He used a phrase that he feels like hes getting ready to off a high place but it wont hurt and he wont feel the landing. 

We have been told that the most likely way is that he will go into liver failure and maybe then go fairly quickly so every day and week is  a bonus. His son is due to get married 21 Oct and they have been told it is unlikely that he'll be here then. 

I do find the anticipation tricky and  I seem to have made myself cry typing this.  

Hi your hubby sounds like a lovely man and so pleased he is able to do things and have a good chat with you ...like you my hubby has head and neck cancer had radiotherapy chemo got all clear came back few months latter had a lot off surgery ..came back in march now in his skull ..been on immunotherapy but not doing to well ...in and out off hospital and in hospice for pain management ..it's all so very hard Was just wondering if your husband gets a lot of secretions as mine is really bad with them ..struggling to breath at times but he says he still has a lot of fight ...x

Ww123. Your situation sounds very similar. The ups and downs. Hope after the treatment seems to have worked and the crash when then told no,its terminal. Radio on throat knocked off his saliva glands to he has very dry mouth rather than lots of secretions. He is chesty and breathless but that from secondaries in lungs now.  Some days he can't get  to the end if the road. I hope your partner can get some  break from pain.

Aside from that it was a real bonus when his taste buds came back and he could enjoy food again. So good days sometimes involve food,  although with less spit he is still chewing and finding bits of food tucked in his mouth and throat hours later.  He has always enjoyed food and flashed his money about yesterday and bought himself 9 oysters. 

Making the most if each day is a good lesson I am learning. And seeing end of life care as a positive is something I am also learning. Having ga chance to make the most  of time left is something others don't get. His eldest son died 12 years ago  very suddenly abd tragically and he would have given anything for more time or a run up. 

Hi thanks for getting back to me so sorry to hear about sudden death of his son must of been a massive shock for all his family ...glad you are taken each day at a time ...we are a bit like that but so very hard so ment up and downs ...my husband can't eat or drink got a peg in for overnight feeds and med and his voice is so weak ...can't believe what is happening to him ...goes to hospital tomorrow and we will find out if they are going to carry on with his immunotherapy treatment x