Anyone else wish they could get off the Cancer train?

Ah yes sleep is not great during all this is it! Well hospital have now said they’re treating dad for pneumonia...he’s on a nebuliser and antibiotics, but he seemed a bit better by the end of yesterday, as they’d been able to get blood for the first time in 5 days and he was complaining of feeling rough..which I know in itself isn’t good, but previously he’s been not really with it, and almost not aware of his situation, hence my view.  We’re definitely living day by day at the moment..this week has been a series of lows with the occasional high..actually one high point was his GP contacted my mum and has said we should fight the view he can’t come home but has to go into a care home, and to refer the consultant to her..so we have a glimmer of hope now that once he gets over this pneumonia, he can come home. It’s at least given everyone something positive to believe in 

Fingers crossed that he gets home soon!

Having an almost normal day today, catching up on all the stuff that needs doing round the house. I’m determined to get the hall painted this weekend, I started it three months ago, just before we found out that Mum’s cancer had come back, and since then it’s been an endless stream of driving backwards and forwards, so would be good to achieve something!

Back home again.

Totally exhausted after yesterday. 4hr drive, set off at 430. Got to Mum’s, dozed for an hour. Woke up, got to hospital 11am, for what we’d been told was a two hour appointment.  Eight and a half hours later we left,  Trying to keep a lid on my feelings as by now I just want to get Mum out of here and  get home., but inside I’m a swirling bag of frustration rage and despair. Got Mum settled, for her the day was better than expected and she’s actually hungry. Cook her a quick meal, make sure the meds are marked so she knows when to take what. Head off home at 10. The drive is a blur of headlights but the road was empty so cruise control helped me negotiate the dozens of cameras on the way. Get home. Collapse into bed. Wake up, decide that I can’t face work and thankfully my other half leaves me sleeping. Wake at 10, stressed to hell. Decide to go to the gym to burn off the stress. Fail miserably, no energy, no strength, give up after 30mins, go home. 

Had an afternoon nap, feeling better, a good meal and some red wine, actually feeling human again.

Stop the bus please.

Another week, another dose of trauma!

Apologies for offloading on here, but it helps.

So it's been an unplanned week of driving and hospitals. Mum had a bad reaction to the chemo on Sunday, so I ended up driving down there again. She'd been unable to eat, was having little and often but not enough of anything. It turned out she'd not been keeping up with her anti-sickness meds, and obviously was in a bad way.

Spent Sunday night and Monday being a bit of a tyrant (and feeling so wrong in doing it), alternating meal replacement drinks with as much high-calorie food as possible, and even with this she'd lost half a stone in three days, which was just horrific. Mum hadn't bothered to ring the careline because she "didn't want to bother anyone", and when I got her to do that she got a real telling off from them about not ringing and what she was eating.

Tuesday was another day in hospital, waiting for doctors, waiting for treatment, waiting, waiting. To cut the story short things have now stabilised, and finally headed back home after my sister pulled a sicky (she's not getting any support from work or time off, whereas I actually have a decent employer who doesn't have any issue with me having to drop things and disappear for days with no notice), and took over. 

Drove home, mentally, emotionally and physically smashed. It's now Thursday and things are returning to a bit more normal (whatever normal is these days). Another round over and the bus keeps rolling on.

Hi there, 

sorry to read it’s been a rough few weeks...I know why you post here, I do the same when it’s tough and it does help...you’ll remember the depths of despair I was feeling for my poor dad...well since then, he’s had pneumonia and heart failure...but unbelievably, seems to be coming through it...he’s on oxygen now due to low pressure, and will remain so..but they are actually now planning to send him home next week! We are delighted...but at the same time it strikes me how much you lower your benchmark of what is something you’re happy about with this god awful disease...we’re now hoping he’s happy to be in a bed in his own house, able to look out on the garden, feel the breeze when we open the french doors, listen to music, watch tv.. and be out of that god awful hospital cell. It’s only 4 months since he was still driving his car x 

love be to you and yours

Hi Moggington, 

That's looking really positive for you! Hope that it continues and he gets home really soon. I know what you mean with the hospital cells, I just spend the whole time there wanting to get my mum out and back home. Fingers crossed for you that his recovery continues and you get him home. My week has been very quiet for once. Nothing happening, Mum is stable and the meds seem to be balancing out the horrible chemo effects of last week. We took advantage of the hot weather and had a mini camping trip this weekend, and it was really good to unwind - the canoeing pub crawl round the Norfolk Broads was a fantastic way to spend an afternoon, although I could have done without the mossie bites! 

Now getting a week of work in before taking the kids to see her for a week next week. I've set a load of milestones with good things to aim at, and this is the first one and we're nearly there.

All the best and hope the recovery continues.

C

Hi C

when they discharged dad they told him us most we could expect was 3 months. He came home Monday..tonight I’m here..a Doctor and district nurse have now told us we are in the final phase and dad has possibly hours left. He’s pain free, and calm.  We’re all here, playing his favourite music. The biggest issue is the breathing..we bought a nebuliser and that’s helping, he’s not distressed.. 

Dad died at 230am 28/7/19. At peace now after a terrible journey.  

I am so sorry for your loss Moggiington. Wishing you strength xxx

Thank you.. after how terrible it’s been for dad, I thought I’d feel a sense of relief but I’m just devastated. I keep seeing him as he was in the final hours. I’m hoping the passage of time will help x