No motivation

Hi Juneoc

I am feeling just the same and I am not half-way through renovating a house.  You are being there for him when he needs you. There is no way you are lazy!! The situation is just so overwhelming that it’s hard to think about doing anything else. I can only speak for myself but my mind is all over the place and even the simplest household chores sometimes don’t get done - and I used to be a clean freak!

My husband was also diagnosed with advanced cancer around 5 months ago. Like you I am just looking after his needs and although I am struggling with other things I am trying to see that they are not so important. I also retired early and agree with your comment about how people with other responsibilities manage.

I will be thinking about you on the 9th April and send you a virtual hug!  

Cherelan

Hi Cherelan

Thank you so much for your reply. It's pants isn't it? I feel for you, it's so hard and although people say, look after yourself I'm not sure how we can easily do that. I was never keen on housework lol but still used to do it but now I am training myself to think its more important to be there for the love of my life. I'm sure we will get through this. 

Feel free to verbally scream to me if you need to. Sending love and hugs.

June xxx

Hi June

hope you don’t mind me asking but how are you coping with caring for your husband at home. My husband has been in hospital for most of this year. He is currently in a hospice to look at pain management and it has been agreed he can go back to the hospital for chemo next week. This has been delayed many times and time is now moving on. Once the chemo has been established the plan is for him to return home. Just wondering how this has worked out for you.

I was  interested in your comment about people saying look after yourself. A friend said this to me as I ate a packet of crisps and two curly whirleys for my tea when I returned late from the hospital. Good thing I wasn’t on FaceTime!!

Hugs to you 

Cherelan xx

Good morning Cherelan

I'm happy for you to ask me whatever you like. At the moment I'd rather have him here than not, one reason being he escaped from hospital in the middle of the night, the night he was diagnosed they kept him in so we hadn't had time to process this awful news together and he wanted to be with me, the hospital is 7 miles from where we live and he walked about 4 then phoned me at 3am to pick him up, it was raining and cold, I couldn't believe it, he wasn't thinking straight due to the tumour pressing on his brain. I picked him up and took him back, they didn't know he had gone. We laugh about it now but at the time I was petrified. 

We have carers to wash him in the morning which helps me, we have a hospital bed downstairs but he won't sleep on it at the moment, he's been sleeping on the settee for the last month which he finds comfortable, we only have an upstairs toilet so recently had a stairlift installed as he can't manage the stairs anymore. We are having a cloakroom put in downstairs in the next couple of weeks, not looking forward to the mess but it will make life easier. He does sleep a fair bit but I don't leave him for long as usually when he wakes he wants something. This is why I don't do much apart from be there for him, I have no idea how long this will go on for but I will carry on as long as it takes. We are lucky we have people I can call on if I need to and they will visit or help with getting him to appointments etc. 

I had a giggle about your curly wurleys and crisps, sounds like me, I eat a lot of toast lol, he is losing his appetite so I don't cook proper meals as much as I should as he mostly eats a couple of mouths full then he's had enough, his favourite is heinz chicken soup, yuk, he even has it for breakfast.

If all of this sounds like hard work it is but mostly emotionally as it is hard to watch a man who was exceptionally intelligent and active and who now finds it hard to even stand up but I still love him unconditionally so I try my best.

i hope this hasn't put you off having your husband home, we still laugh together sometimes and he remembers things we did years ago so there are positives. Please don't hesitate to ask me anything, it helps to share feelings, I do feel like screaming and smashing things up sometimes, I think that must be natural, I hope so anyway.

love and hugs

June xxx

Hi,

i was  on autopilot, I'd go to work come home care for my husband. There was no motivation to do anything else and if I did I felt terrible and guilty for enjoying myself. I had some support from a counsellor and have tried to rebalance some of the care. I know when I'm at home my day is filled with sorting him and so I don't see why you thing your being lazy it's absolutely exhausting emotionally and physically. Luckily my husband is ok to wash and dress himself although it takes an age for him to do this, and he needs to rest sleep 1/2 way through. Please don't think yourself as lazy and if you can try and get some counselling arranged through Macmillan or your GP. Xx 

Hi puddle fish

Thank you for your reply, I'm sure you are right, we shouldn't feel guilty or lazy, it is exhausting, I am just trying to concentrate on my husbands needs and to h**l with everything else. 

Hugs to you

love

June xx

The only way to recover from such frustration is that watch movie, read a good positive novel or go to some natural beauty place for a picnic.  Other methods are mentioned here.