Relapse worry

The ‘what if’s’ can be a burden to carry and everyone will deal with this in their own way.

For me, being told in late 2013 that I had 2-3 years on the clock and the only way to push this clock back was a successful Stem Cell Transplant did indeed focus our eyes on dealing with my mortality and I did prepare for death.

I am now 4-5 years past that date and in remission from a condition that in 1999 was told it was incurable but treatable and I would never see remission.

So I am on bonus time and living this time as best as I can. Tomorrow will take care of itself, we live for today.

I do feel for you in that your cancer has left you with medical issues that effect your life and I can’t comprehend what this is like.

But as you say, you try and live each day to the full and continue to look for the gold in every aspect of this second chance of living.

((hugs))

hello Lellnelly.  We have all been in the boat that you are in. Sometimes its difficult to plan the next day or a month let alone years but it will come. With me I get the 'what if' every time I have a cold, cough or appointment with consultant/nurse for check ups.

Look at what you can do and or take up a new hobby or job. I do so much  more fundraising now and have retired as I couldn't cope with the banality (if that is a word) of work when I wanted to live and do things I never had time for. 

Good luck and seek support from professionals if you feel its getting too much to cope with. I saw a physicologist and look back now and giggle as I was in France and the poor lady had to translate and I was trying to too so I answered in my best French whilst she was asking in English.

best regards

jackie

Hi LellyNelly,

The best thing that helped me with living with uncertainty was accepting that it is just not possible for me to know what’s going to happen in the future. It is not mine to own. And how can I fear something when I don’t know what it’s going to be?

The other thing that helps me is the thought of the intelligence of the human beings working in modern science. A few years ago, CAR-T didn’t exist so who knows what might be on the horizon? The future can be scary, but it can also be a hopeful place.

All the best

Greg

Hi Lellynelly,

a tough one, this. But I too think a psychologist would be the best way to go, to help get your head round the fear of relapse. It might be hard in these Covid times to arrange, you may find phone support helpful. It might perhaps be useful to track down a buddy from the scheme at Lymphoma Action? (Phone number is 0808 808 5555) 

Dealing with your mortality when still young is hard too, I’m not ready for it yet and I’m 75! Our lass (story on my profile) did manage to sort of get to grips with it, how I’ve no idea, and even told us much later how and where she planned to die if possible. So getting to grips with actually living after so many years of being told she was slowly dying was very difficult, she also had survivors guilt having seen folk who didn’t survive. 

Keep doing all you can, enjoy each and every day, take up something as a hobby but challenge, and keep posting......

Hugs xxx