Meeting your donor

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Morning all,

I was wondering how many people who’ve had an allogenic transplant from an unrelated donor have gone on to meet their donor, how long did you wait and how was it.
I have been chatting on line over the past year or so with a lady who had a transplant 6 years ago from a donor in Germany. She finally got to meet her donor yesterday and posted a picture of them and it got me quite emotional and thinking eventually it’s what I can hopefully do. They honestly both looked so happy and seeing things like that should fill all of us going through this with hope and belief.
I know it’s too early yet as I’m only 9 months out but I’ve already started thinking about it and plan to send a letter pretty soon.
I know some countries don’t allow you to meet but my donor is from Germany so I know we will eventually be able to if things go well. I was also wondering what kind of information I would be allowed to put in the first letter ie, children, my age, where I am from or is this not advised.
Anyway just looking for peoples experiences with this.
Regards

Mark

moomy over 4 years ago

Hi Mark,

I’ve answered your elsewhere, daughter was allowed after 2 years to tell names etc, then she insisted I went with her to Berlin to meet him, an amazing emotional weekend

hugs xxx

Moomy

Paul1969 over 4 years ago in reply to moomy

Hi Mark

Anthony Nolan contacted my donor for me and he didn't want to meet. He was pleased I was doing well and would give more cells if they were needed but didn't want to take the next step and have any contact.

I was happy that I had said thank you and it gave me closure on the situation. I have met people who have had a meeting with their donor.. One person is now very good friends with their donor and another just didn't click with the donor so hasn't seem them since.

Paul

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Shelleyyy over 4 years ago

Hi Mark, I too have had an allergenic transplant and was only told by my consultant that it was from a very fit, active male in his thirties and wouldn't be given any further information until I was 2 years post transplant. I was able to send a thank you card through the stem cell coordinator at the hospital but it wasn't to include any personal details of myself. On the day of the transplant itself, whilst the doctor was out of the room, but the cells had been delivered, the nurse removed them from the cool box and there were two luggage labels attached with addresses of a hospital in Minnesota, USA. So we concluded that my donor is American. I hope that he will allow contact as, at the very least I would love to thank him in person. I consider myself very lucky to still be here, and also feel pretty good in myself. I will let you know in a years time if I get to message my donor.

Wendy

markyflem over 4 years ago in reply to Shelleyyy

Hi Guys,

Good to hear you’re doing well Wendy and I wish I’d thought of sneaking a look at the labels!
Seriously though I can fully understand why a donor would not want to meet. I think keeping themselves anonymous makes it less personal and stops any emotional attachment. If my donor doesn’t want to eventually meet I will respect that and put closure on it like Paul did.
Regards

Mark

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