Do I need Power of Attorney?

I should add, we do have a will that states all assets are mine in the event of his death and vice versa. 

I’m sorry to hear about your husband.My mother didn’t have cancer but had many health problems and dementia.While she was still with it enough I was able to discuss her wishes with her and I’m so glad I did.Most of the bills were in her name so I got them put into joint names which made it easier to transfer to mine after mum died.I was too late to get power of attorney as mum’s dementia rapidly declined but because I knew of her wishes it was not a problem to discuss end of life care with the nursing home staff.They withdrew all medication and fluids for the last few days as she was at risk of choking.Mum did have a DNR in place but that was her choice.It is a shock when the decline is rapid so I think you are doing the right thing in making decisions now.I have had a very stressful time as mum’s executor but at least I got her research work to the record office as requested and honoured her wishes.Power of attorney is a good idea.There is so much to think about.Best wishes with it all Jane 

Hi MDL73 and sorry to hear about your husband.

I would say POA is important and yes it can take a significant time to get the paperwork through the Government Channels.

But we have just done POA a few months back. We went to see out Solicitor (a good friend) and he set up all the paperwork and we signed the paper work during the meeting. He also sent out paperwork to our 2 daughters as we wanted to cover that base as well as to when it was only one of us was left and looking further ahead........ they returned their paperwork within the week.

Our solicitor said that although it will take months to get the official documents through from the Government....... if unfortunately we are put into the position of needing the powers of our POA he can provide a letter that would be accepted as proof that POW has been put in place and can be used when dealing with companies etc.

You do need to talk through the DNR subject........ I have talked with people who experienced the situation where the medical world was quick on moving to DNR...... especially when communication with the family was proving difficult to be achieved and in reality the person was actually not at that point!!!!!

You may want to post in our.......

Carers only 

Supporting someone with incurable cancer

……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

You could call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides practical information and benefits/financial guidance.

Talking this through with people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

Thank you Jane. Sorry to hear about your experience. We lost my mother in law to dementia and it was a difficult few years. I don't remember my husband sorting POA with her, but he did end up (as only child) being the decision maker without too many problems. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. 

Thank you Mike. It sounds like it's very worthwhile then, especially if a solicitor's letter can also act as some back-up if the prognosis is poor and the official stamp is too late. Thank you for sharing. I haven't had time to read your (amazingly long) cancer story, but will when I get the chance. I can see you have NHL, as does my mum, diagnosed in Feb. She has to have a splenectomy soon. She's doing ok. I wish you all the best. 

NHL is a very different type of cancer compared to your dad’s cancer….. 

I was diagnosed in 1999 age 44 with one of the rare (8 in a million) hard to treat incurable types of slow growing Low-Grade NHLs - Cutaneous T-Cell (Mycosis Fungodes).

I continued to work for 12 years in a demanding teaching job and yes had various treatments over these first 16 years then in late 2013 a second rare (4 in a million) more aggressive fast growing High-Grade NHL - Peripheral T-Cell -NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) NHL came along taking me to stage 4……. but this was all very treatable. I turned 68 last Nov being 8.5 years since my last treatment.

I find it very hard to get my layman's head around NHL. There seem to be so many sub types! Sounds like you've had quite the journey! And 8.5 years since treatment seems incredible! 

Yes there are over 60 types and sub-types of Lymphoma

And Staging in Lymphoma is very different from sold tumour cancers like Kidney, Lung, Breast….. where a high stage number like stage 4 is a poor prognosis, in Lymphoma it’s not. I was stage 4a back in 2013 and it made no difference to my outcomes.

Staging in Lymphomas identifies

1) Where the Lymphoma is presenting in the body (it can be anywhere)

2) What is the best treatment approach and best treatment type for your presentation

3) How long your treatment needs to be.

That makes sense. They were going to start chemo with my mum, but determined it was concentrating in her spleen, hence her op next month. They have high hopes for her. 

Is it Splenic Marginal Zone Lymphoma she has?

We do have a dedicated Non-Hodgkin lymphoma support group that covers most NHL types, it’s a good place to get support and information ((hugs))