How do I help?

Hi Affie and a very warm welcome to the online community and I am sorry to read what brought you to us but really pleased that you were able to reach out to us at such a worrying time.

Being a parent and trying to support a teenager at any time is never easy but to try a give support when your child is facing surgery is even more difficult. On one hand your daughter is an adult and seeks to be independent but on the other hand she is still your little girl and you quite rightly want to be of support to her and finding the right balance is a juggling job but as parents we are quite good at doing it.

I can only suggest that you carry on as normal and be positive when you are around your daughter and listen to her when she speaks to you and react to her with honesty and give her space if she needs it, as she trying to be independent you don't want to crowd her but her act of independence maybe just a show and she is trying to get you to not worry too much. Who knows what is going on it heads of teenagers at the best of times and we just have to play it by ear and go with the flow.

I tried to find some reading material for you on young people with cancer and the material is very sparse but I did manage to come across the following that if you had more time you could have sent for printed hard copies but as time is at a premium if you click on the links you should be able to download copies, and I hope they will be a help to you.

 A parents guide

Cancer guide for young people

There is something you do have to do and that is look after yourself and not stretch yourself too much you need to preserve your energy for when your daughter comes home and will need looking after and you can only do that if you're fit and healthy yourself, so please try and make some ME time when you can.

I'm going to try and bring a remarkable young girl into the conversation called Lousia who has spent many months in hospital having multiple major surgery as she has kept her spirits up and if I can get 's attention she may be able to give you some pointers in how to support your daughter and might even start to be a support to you daughter.

I know I've probably only scratched the surface of what you were looking for but I'm sure the bond you have with your daughter will be all the support your daughter needs.

I hope her surgery is a success and if I could ask that you come back to us with a progress report as your time permits as it's always nice to hear how our members are doing.

My best wishes to you and your daughter.

Ian

 - Hi Lousia hope you're reading this and come into the conversation and be of support to Affie and her daughter.

Thanks

Ian

Hi Ian, thank you so much for your reply.  I have had a look at the information in the links and found it really helpful.  Waiting for things to happen is the worst time I think, will be glad when surgery is over.

Affie

Affie

You are very welcome.

You are so right the waiting game is so hard and when it's all over you feel a tremendous sense of relief and I hope that your waiting will soon be over.

I see you are a member of both the Carers only forum group and the Family and friends forum groups these groups are more active than this one and in the other groups, like this one, they are very safe places to visit at anytime you need a rant or rave session, let off steam or just come on for a chat we are all very friendly and supportive towards each other and as our door is always open there is usually someone around for you to connect with 

I do hope that your daughter's surgery goes to plan and you get her home soon and you can start to mother her as I know you want to, hopefully she'll let you in.

As I mentioned before as a mother and a carer can be hard work and you must look after yourself and take every opportunity to have some ME time you really will feel better for doing so and give you the much needed strength to look after your daughter.

Please keep in touch and let us know how everything goes and if you need anymore help just give us a shout out we'll be here for you 

Ian

Hi , my daughter is 21 and is just a week post surgery for bowel cancer . It resulted in her needing a temporary stoma . I was so worried about how she’d cope with the surgery and stoma but she’s been truely amazing . 

I know how hard it is to watch your child go through something like this , i would give anything to go through It for her but all I can do is be there for her when she wants to talk , try to answer her questions as best as I can and be positive around her no matter how scared I am . I try to carry on as normal as much as possible and just let her talk when she wants to . Her friends have been really supportive too , 

I hope all goes well for your daughter and remember to look after yourself too , 

Hi Affi how are u doing ? 

How is your daughter....

Hope all really goes well

I'm so so sorry that I have seen this right now just I were at home having peace not using my phone

I know how she was or may she is feeling I understand 

Just tell her to stay positive take it easy take it slow and just try to do sth which she really likes ....

If she can do any of her daily works so let her do that herself it will make her think that she's getting her energy back 

Try to have fun with her laugh joke watch her favourite movie with her or any thing 

You know try to see that light the hope ,the light is always there you just have to find it by being relax and pay attention to yourself as my mother did!

I dont know How I had to do without her 

Some times these hard situations makes relationships stronger 

Just hope all goes well again

Bye

.   Affie

Good morning I hope everything is going a bit better for your daughters and yourselves just now and everything is settling down.I'd like to invite your daughters to have their own account with the Macmillan online community and join the Diagnosed at a young age group.

I know that  is a member and I thought it might be a good idea to get your daughters and Lousia together and start to chat to each other and "swap notes" and hopefully other young members will join in and support each other.

It is important that our young people (of any age) know that they are not alone and there somewhere they can come to and speak to like minded people of a similar age

If they click on the green text above it will open up a new page for them and if they hit join this group then start a discussion they can start to chat to each other and once they get to know each they can befriend them and start to send each other private messages to as many of the friends they make at the same time.

Please keep me informed how everyone is doing and if I can help with any aspect of their stoma management give me a shout and I'll only be too pleased to help no matter how small you think the question is there is always an answer it's also important to know that there is no such thing as a silly question. 

I'm here to help and to chat if you want to, the door to the Bodach is always open please just come on in and visit.

Ian