I was diagnosed on 21st May with breast cancer and its taken me a while to find my way... all I have wanted is to say this is not okay, I am not okay..
Friends, family all try to be positive and I know it's because they want me to be okay, but what I really want is to talk to others who are also in the midst of their diagnosis and treatment.
My operation is on Tuesday and I am laying awake not able to sleep, in fear... am I going to be okay?
They think its been caught early, but until it's out and lymph nodes tested who knows.. I have days where I just want to scream and shout, but nothing comes out. I am like a duck paddling water, frantically trying to stay afloat..
Hello Trouble,
A warm welcome to Macmillan's online community, although I'm very sorry you have the need to join.
I understand exactly how you feel, having had major lung surgery (removal of my right lung) due to lung cancer diagnosed just over 12 years ago. I had exactly the same feelings and couldn't sleep thinking about it all, but this is now a distant memory.
It is only natural for family and friends trying to be positive because they don't know what else to say because they've probably never had to deal with this themselves and out of love or friendship simply want to say something to make you feel more relaxed.
I'd like to suggest you join the breast cancer forum and repost your comments there. You should find plenty of members who have been through the same to offer you advice and assistance. I've placed a link below.
I see you're also unable to sleep at the moment (I'm currently on holiday in the USA which is 8 hours behind the UK) so it's around 6.30pm here but around 2.30am in the UK. You might also like to post on the general cancer chat forum - there's a sub-group on there called "Awake and up all night" where you should be able to chat now should you want to. I've included a link to this below too.
Finally you can also utilise Macmillan's support services when they're open and I've included a link below to this.
I wish you all the best with your surgery, I know it's sometimes easy to say - but do try not to be too despondent ..... and things always look bleaker at night.
Derek.
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/cancer-chat-forum/
Support - Clicking here
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Dear Derek,
Thank you so much for your kind words and the links, these are so helpful. I wish you well and really appreciate the support. 
Warmest wishes
Sarah
