First post be gentle

Hello J (Devonsurfer) and a warm welcome to the community, although I am very sorry you have the need to join.

You don't really need me to tell you but you're in one of the worst places right now knowing potential problems were identified in your CT scan but you have no idea exactly what they are pending further tests. The mixed emotions of apprehension, doubt, fear and uncertainty are extremely difficult to deal with and I remember them well. I had exactly the same feelings of being useless and out of my depth at first but once I knew what I was facing that changed.

It's a natural reaction to assume the worst at first but do try to look at other possibilities. My first experience of cancer (you can read my bio if you click on my excavator avatar) involved my lung. When I was having scans and tests I'd recently lost my father in law to lung cancer and had also lost a couple of friends to the same so of course I assumed I would just follow in their footsteps. However I was lucky to be offered surgery followed by chemotherapy and went on to celebrate 11 years recurrence free survival on 10th June last year. 

Being as you say "emotionally intelligent, rational, fairly robust" I'm certain you're well equipped to deal with whatever you're faced with. In the meantime try to hang in there and you'll soon have a clearer picture - and don't forget it may well be there's nothing serious at all to worry about.

If you think it would be useful to talk through things with someone to help you through this uncertain period you can contact Macmillan's support services, I've put a link to this below.

I wish you all the best for now,

Derek.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/macmillan-support-line

Derek,

thank you for your thoughtful and helpful reply. 

Although the situation hasn’t changed, I’m pleased to say that I am in better shape than I was yesterday. My GP prescribed sleeping tablets yesterday evening and 7 hours of good quality sleep has made a world of difference to my state of mind.

I’ve swam 40 lengths and been for a good walk with wife and dog this morning.

I’m getting on with the business of preparing my body for what ever there is to come to give myself the best chance of a good recovery. I am fortunate that I’m able to do that at least. We all suffer from delusions of control, so I’m going to use that to my benefit, just this once. 

I have previous experience. I had a very unexpected heart attack about 10 years ago (I’d just swam 2km and my times were excellent) about a month after being given a very low 10 year risk. So I’m used to the”why me” and “it’s not fair, look at that bloke with a burger in one hand and a fag in the other”. It’s just that this time I can see it coming. 
My fitness saved my heart, life and aided my recovery then, so I expect it to help this time. It’s all I can influence just now, so I’ll do that. 

I’ve stopped reading. I know as much as I can given the uncertainty and I don’t want to fuel catastrophic thinking.

We have a plan to tell our children when it’s appropriate for them and will cross that bridge when we come to it. 

Thanks again, you made a difference. 

James

James, I'm glad to hear you're in better shape today, that's the spirit.

Fitness will indeed be an advantage whatever happens. It's best to stop reading as well, that's only going to make you feel worse right now (I know, sometimes it's hard to resist isn't it?) If you really must, do try to keep to trusted sources and resist blindly googling, it's impossible to know if what you're looking at there is reliable and / or up to date.

Any other questions just ask, there's usually someone here who's been there before or can point in the right direction.

All the best for now and thanks for letting us know you are feeling in better shape.

Derek.

Derek,

I wanted to thank you again and bring you up to speed and, hopefully help someone else should they stumble across the thread.

There is what passes for good news these days. I had the MRI scan on Wednesday to investigate the cysts/irregularities in my liver and they show no cause for concern. 

I went to see the urology consultant yesterday (Thursday late PM), in bits, prepared to hear the worst, but he hadn’t received the MRI radiologist report yet. So he talked me through what they knew and explained the likely procedure if it was only my kidney. That being removal via robotic keyhole surgery within a few weeks he thinks. 

He called me early evening to let me know the scan results as soon as he had them. “Nothing sinister…” My two new favourite words. This news has a significant effect on the treatment and likely outcomes. I can now have the surgery and my chances of a positive outcome are much, much better. Each case is different, this is only mine. 

I have to say his demeanour throughout was really helpful, serious and clear but chatty and positive. I think I respond to sympathetic directness better than sympathetic gloom. But, it might be that both approaches were right at the time as I have been through a journey.

i known there is still uncertainty and risk, but at least I have a clear idea of what they are and how to prepare and be. 

As others have said, the not knowing and inadvertently thinking the worst in an effort to prepare oneself made this a very difficult period. It’s hard to change the habits of a life time. I had a sometimes unpredictable and challenging childhood (nobody’s fault really, complex, just was) and my way of coping was to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. A strategy that has seen me through some difficult times. Not the right one for this situation.

Anyway, what looked desperately bad is now something that has to be met and dealt with, and for now at least, I feel that I can control the controllable’s and the rest is in the hands of the experts. 

Thanks for help. It made a difference.

James

Thank you for bringing us up to date James, and I'm delighted to hear your positive news. Nothing sinister certainly are encouraging words.

I wish you all the best for a succcessful outcome.

Derek.