Hello
first time I’ve ever reached out for support on this journey but right now I feel it’s needed 
️
to say I’ve been feeling broken would be an understatement .. I’m not broken for me I’m broken for him .. why him why now we have so much to look forward to and it breaks my heart 
I think today so far has been the worst
two weeks ago we found out that even though he is close to remission that it will come back (he has a extremely rare type of lukemia ) and he says he is tired and if it comes back he isn’t fighting it anymore
I totally respect his session in every way he has already been through some gruelling treatment and he doesn’t want to go through that again but he is worried about me and how I would cope after he is gone ..
he has made it clear he doesn’t want to pass on a hospital (I completely understand this ) and that he would rather be at home with me tucked in bed along with the tribe of animals
I have so many mixed emotions .. I have provided extensive palliative care to a family member who sadly lost their battle with cancer of recent and he is scared that I am going to leave him over his wants surrounding his care
what can I do to assure him that no matter what I will do everything I can for him and that if he truly wants me to hold his hand till the end and in every life after I will ?
seeing him to do having an awful reaction actually made me cry I just want this horrible disease to leave him alone 
Hi Partners of the patient and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but I am sorry to hear about your fiancés diagnosis.
A cancer journey in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot…….
I personally have been on my journey with 2 types of very rare Lymphoma (one incurable) for over 25 years…..I have had a lot of treatment over the years then in late 2013 the palliative word was used but 2 further years of treatment including 2 Allo (donor) Stem Cell Transplants later I am now coming up to 9 years out from treatment and getting on life…… so from my point of view there is always hope.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our……
……. support groups. These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your fiancé and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
