Can't stop crying

I am so sorry that you are having to go through such a dreadful time, I too know how distressing it is, my husband was, I am going to say diagnosed on Friday 19th,so yesterday, he too is 57. I say diagnosed, that is not true he was not given a diagnosis because at the time it was suggested he had prostate cancer we were in the urology clinic thinking his catheter was going to be removed to see if his bladder was now functioning correctly. I like you am shell shocked! Only 2 weeks ago everything was great,in fact is was exactly 2 weeks ago I took him to our local A&E because he was in urine retention.....then yesterday, we went to have a catheter removal trial and were told it had been cancelled and he should have received emails and a phone call from his consultant explaining why....these he never received and still have not. The upshot of yesterday was, a urology nurse telling my husband that his catheter must stay in for the foreseeable future and she did not want to tell him more,it was only when we asked what was going on that she said she would phone his consultant to see if she was allowed to tell us more. She did, however, she did nothing more than point out all that she was allowed to do was prescribe hormone therapy because that was the next step in his treatment and and further explaination regarding his condition and the direction of his treatment would be given during the meeting with his consultant after all of his test results were known. Only the day before he had a bone/full body scan and he will have an MRi on Money 22nd. So, we really do not know anything other than he is now taking Bicalutamide and he will be receiving injections every 3 months. So, yes, I know how you feel, my husband was not even offered results from his blood tests by anyone, his last blood test was on Monday 15th and all the doctor offered was a cursory, 'your kidney function has improved.' I asked, 'what does that mean, what else can you tell us,' to which he said we should wait until after all test results were in?They did not even want to disclose his PSA result, it was only when I insisted that we were at least told his latest result that they were forthcoming. I truly feel like they think we are idiots and every fibre of me wants to be informed every step of the way, but I realise that is my personal expectation because of my education as a health practitioner.....my husband just doesn't know what to ask and doesn't really want to discuss it until he sees his consultant for his diagnosis/prognosis!!! He is truly not even in the mode of believing he has prostate cancer. So my lovely, I know what you are going through......I truly hope that you receive support and that you find the strength to support each other.....My warmest wishes to both.

Hi,

My dad has just been diagnosed with inoperable cancer and I'm feeling exactly the same as you.  My GP hasn't been very supportive and the anxiety is killing me.  Feel like I'm living in hell!

xx

Hi MamaS

Im in the same situation as you, my partner has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer got blood results back last Monday scan last Thursday got a phone call from the oncology nurse yesterday.  He's to go for biopsy on Monday. So I'm like you can't stop crying, didnt sleep at all last night, terrified of results, while my partner has gone to work like nothing has happened.

I'm 52 partners 61 and the speed of which it's happening which I suppose is a good thing to start treatment as soon as possible.  But shocked and bewildered describes how I'm feeling and I'm wanting to be brave and strong.

Kind Regards 

Hello Vic1  A warm welcome to the online Prostate Community - I am so sorry to find you here but we aren't a bad bunch.

You are at the worst part of your husband's journey at present with all the uncertainty. things will improve once all his test results are in and he has his diagnosis. For your information here's a link to "How Prostate Cancer is Diagnosed" from Prostate Cancer UK - This will help you understand your husband's journey-

https://shop.prostatecanceruk.org/our-publications/all-publications/how-prostate-cancer-is-diagnosed

I am Brian and I hang around on the Prostate Community - please come and join us - here's the link-

Prostate cancer forum 

Once you click the link, click on join on the black banner at the bottom of the page and then introduce yourself in the "New Here - Say Hello" section.

I hope this helps. Feel free to come back with any questions, however trivial - we are all here for you.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Joltsy, I'm so sorry to hear your news, I know how dreadful it feels to be faced with the unexpected, I am there now, but I was there in January 1995 too when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, sadly he lived only 3 weeks after his diagnosis. My dad died 13 days after his 75th birthday but it was a very cathartic 13 days and we celebrated every occasion imaginable, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, births, deaths, you name if we drank a Ribena toast to them all!!!!!. One  thing I can promise you is we all have the resolve to make whatever time is left a comfortable time filled with love and support.... we all have that capacity and it really does help when one has to look back on the closing days, months or years of our loved ones life. Supporting those we love at a time they may feel bereft is somehow cathartic....because trust me, what pulls us through so many dreadful periods of sadness and anxiety is love and the resolve to make the time count! Sadly, doctors don't have the time to support their patients anymore and many aren't particularly great communicators, they can come across as very matter of fact and unfeeling. Then again, we wouldn't want them to be jibbering wrecks would be? We do look for some depth of compassion though. I wonder, can you possible ask to see a different gp, that may help?  Thinking of what has happened and the terrible time you are experiencing,  I wonder, have you been to any of your dad's hospital appointments with him, did you hear the information he received for yourself, sometimes that helps people feel more involved and less anxious? Is your dad at the stage when he has accepted his diagnosis? You see when my own dad was diagnosed with liver cancer, he had only weeks to live so he was sent home from hospital, but he was accepting of the fact, he was very mild mannered and did not want a big fuss.  What I did was every day I sat with him for hours,not talking about his imminent demise but just sitting and waiting for him to say whatever he wanted to, I just listened to anything and everything my dad said, I read to him and we did crossword puzzles up until the time he couldn't, then I read his morning Express news paper to him...it helped make great memories and relive them for me too,. You see,my dad taught me to read before I went to school, he used the Rupert Bear story from the newspaper and he cut out large print words too.....silly fact, but it helped me so much when I was small and when my dad was dying!!!! Once my dad started talking he just said how he felt and then something amazing happened, he  stated talking about family history, he and I have always shared a passion for who did what to whom and when, so it was brilliant to just listen to him.  I asked him questions about when he was a lad, about his family history, where he grew up, and I promised him I would document it....and I have, so now we each have a family tree with loads of facts and figures.  I'm not saying that is necessarily what everyone should do, one has to find one's own way of dealing with what is happening, but what talking to may dad did do was relax both of us into a kind of acceptance that our journey together was coming to an end. It was a very bittersweet experience, but truly rewarding and a positive experience for both of us. So, my dear, I can only leave you with ideas and wish you well on your journey with your dad, I hope you find a doctor that will support you and your dad, in the meantime, I promise you that you can build a place of solitude and peaceful acceptance of what is happening to both of you. You can find your own way to support him in his final journey, a way that makes you both smile and appreciate your relationship.....I promise you, you will look back on it and be so glad you helped him rest. And, as hard as it is, turn up to visit making all the usual noise you do, all the usual.jokes, puns, all the things he is used to, because a normal life for terminal patients is crucial, he will welcome that! No words are enough at this time.....I think we have to find our own peace within such sadness. My heartfelt warm wishes to you, your dad and family.

Hi Vic1, I'm sorry to hear your news, you and I are in the same boat, my husband is 57 and he is being treated for prostate cancer, however, he has had no diagnosis of any description yet....long story!!! He had his bone scan last Thursday and his MRI yesterday, but he was given Bicalutamide on Friday the 19th,without even the benefit of anyone telling him why!!!! So without the benefit of the results from scans he has started hormone therapy and he blissfully doesn't believe he has cancer. So my lovely, my advice for what it is worth, be spurred on that someone is acting quickly on your husbands behalf, that is a blessing because you have some answers that are giving you a clearer picture already! That is a positive, better than being left in the dark.

Our hospital seems to always be on the backfoot and it isn't a pleasant experience......it feels like we are living in limbo....or it does to me.

With reference to your personal feelings, I too feel the need to cry, not sleep, not eat, but I believe that is because I understand why my husband has been given Bicalutamide, and he doesn't because the nurse that wrote the prescription did not have the authority to tell him why.  So, I realise that my crying and worrying has to be done alone, I must not place that burden upon him, because when he is diagnosed, correctly, that is his time!!!!! I would not be helping anyone if I told him how I really feel, and I am doing all that I can just to sit back and wait for the time when I will need to be his advocate.... you see he will not believe he has cancer until his test results are back and someone says the actual work cancer to him. So, I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you....but you can do this, you can be the strength your husband will need when the time is right.......Warm Regards. Millie

Thank you so much for that Millie.  Everything you have said reinforces what other people have been telling me.  I have now found a GP that is trying to help with my anxiety, so we'll see how that goes.  I am living back with mum and dad so will hopefully have plenty of time with him to do what you have said.  He's already done our family tree both sides but I find is coming out with stories from his past that I never knew before.  I really appreciate your perspective and hope I can find the strength that you did xxx

You will, I promise! There is something within us that brings out the warrior! 

Big hugs, you've got this!!!

xxx

Hi MillieM

Thank you for your kind words they have really helped. 

Regards

Vic1

Hi, I'm sorry to hear your story but know you are not alone. I am 50 and my partner is 55 and was diagnosed with prostate cancer in March . He was started on hormone therapy and is due to get radiotherapy.  Following a recent MRI and CT scan we have been called in to see the consultant tomorrow and I am.just terrified at what we are going to be told. My emotions are all.over the place while my partner is totally calm. I feel like I shouldn't be the one who's falling apart as its not me that has cancer. This is going to be so hard. X