Can't stop crying

Hi MamaS and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

Firstly sending you all best wishes and strength.  I am new here and in a very similar situation. I had the shock of finding out my Dad has kidney cancer which has unfortunately spread. He had no symptoms but was admitted to hospital following a fall and unexplained weight loss.

I completely understand the feeling and pain and I also feel utterly lost.

I’m looking for a group to connect with also as I am his only next of kin and I have no partner and no children.

take care 

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer last July. He was not ill, no symptoms other than a mild cough and then our world blew up with his diagnosis. I cried and cried, daily for a month or more. It will get better once you have a prognosis and a treatment plan and the shock wears off. This stuff is scary as hell! Sending love and good thoughts to you!

Hi AHZ,

I’m so sorry you too are experiencing this. When it comes as a complete shock and out of the blue, it’s impossible to know how to react. Joining this forum has been really good for me to know that I’m not alone, and to hear so many positive stories. I know it won’t change my situation and we won’t have a cure, but to have the hope of more time together than I initially thought is enough for me for now. Please keep messaging for support and know that there are others out there to talk to. 

Thank you Yooper.

It’s so hard isn’t it when everyone keeps telling you to just take it one day at a time when your mind is running ahead at 100 miles an hour. 
I’ve started to just focus on the day to day practical stuff that I can control and trying not to think too hard about the things I can do nothing about and that is helping. Being a natural control freak makes it doubly hard!! Although I’m terrified of being sat in front of the Oncologist because I know they are going to tell us things we don’t want to hear, I also just want to get that first appointment done now so that there are no more unknowns which are unsettling.

Thanks again for reaching out and sending you love and hugs back.

Hi,

I feel exactly the same.  My dad has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer and I'm not coping at all.  The anxiety is with me 24/7 and I'm so scared.  It has only been two weeks since we found out and only a week since we knew it was inoperable.  It seems like the worst nightmare in the world and I don't know how people cope x

Hi Joltsy,

As everyone who reached out to me last week has said, please don't feel alone.

Having had a week for the news to settle, I feel calmer this week and have concentrated on dealing with the things I can control rather than worrying about the things outside of my control, which has helped. 

It isn't easy, and everyone deals with their situation differently, but you must keep talking and ask for help and support when you need it. I have also found that being proactive has helped me feel like my husband and I are doing everything we can and finding out as much information as possible about possible treatments and care. As AHV said, just having the hope that you may have more time than you initially think and the positive stories of everyone else on this forum does help.

Hang on in there and please keep messaging. x

Thanks so much MamaS xx

I totally agree it’s so hard when people tell you that and actually your mind is racing. I genuinely believe that everyone copes in different ways and shock, grief and heart break is different each day. I was so angry today at life in general but yesterday I was calm it’s bizarre.

i also dreaded the oncologist part but I felt finally I had some solid information instead of the spiralling what if thoughts. I feel like it was the scariest conversation I’ve ever had. 

Sending you strength and hugs! 
it’s so helpful being part of this group / community. I’ve felt so alone and lost but this has helped so much.

x

Hello MamaS  - You may have come across me on the Prostate Cancer forum, I have read some of your posts there - I am Brian, I hang around most of the time on that forum as I have Prostate cancer myself.

I know you are obtaining as much information as you can about Advanced Prostate Cancer, can I just say use trusted sources such as Macmillan and Prostate Cancer UK. Many of the things you read on Dr Google are either old, wrong or people offering magic cures. The best source of information I can point you to is this and here's the link

https://shop.prostatecanceruk.org/our-publications/all-publications/advanced-prostate-cancer

and this

https://shop.prostatecanceruk.org/our-publications/all-publications/advanced-prostate-cancer-managing-symptoms

I hope these help - you know where I am if I can do anything else for you.

Best wishes - Brian.