hi , i’m Gena ,my husband is 81 and last year he was diagnosed with prostate cancer ,and 48 hours later he’s diagnosed with alzimers , he’s also got gall stones , he is in complete denial of having any of these illnesses,,,and insists he’s just got an upset tummy , It also appears he has got Anosognosia,,,which means he can’t remember being told of these health problems, and so my daughter and i agreed that for a quiet life ( for me ) we wouldn’t mention it to him again, ,,,the reason for this is ,,,my husband can somtimes be unkind verbally to me and sometimes use aggressive words , Never violent i have to say , ,,, ive started to take myself out of the room and many times i’ve cried my heart out ,,,,i sometimes think does he know how much he’s hurting me ,,, anyway i digress, ,,, recently he’s had a couple of toilet accidents ,,,,and that’s when he can be quite aggressive verbally,,,, he’s tried to clean his clothes after an accident,,,, but i can still see / smell ,,,,, and when i point out he needs to change ,,that’s when he gets angry ,,,, I know this is going to get worse ,,, AND i think to myself how am i going to cope ,,, how on earth am i going to get him to wear incontinence pants etc etc ,,,, . i have to say sometimes i feel like screaming at him ,,, “ it’s because you’ve got ,,,Bl,,dy ,, alzheimer’s / cancer etc ,,, and i can’t cope,,,,i know he wouldn’t want this for me ,,,, and it goes without saying i wish things could go back to how they used to be ,,,, I would greatly appreciate any advice.
Hi Gena7 and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis and the challenges you are dealing with.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I am the one with cancer and have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated……
…… support group. This group is a safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your husband and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
……. support group where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page and putting
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community
Hello Gena7 - Another warm welcome to the online Community from me - I know you don't want to be here but it's a fantastic place for help and support.
I am Brian and I hang around on the Prostate Cancer forum - I am 27 months into my own Prostate Cancer journey. I see you have joined the Prostate Community, please join us there by introducing yourself in the "new here - say hello" section - I can assure you of a warm reception and plenty of help and advice.
I look forward to meeting you on our forum
Kind Regards - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
