Hi this is all very new to me as I'm a very private person but after being diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma cancer last year I have reached a stage where I need help.My marriage was already broken before the cancer but now I see more then ever that I need to be away from my husband.Im a very strong person and have gone into cancer survival mode as I don't won't to die and leave my children,even though they are adults.My husband is not supporting me and is mentally abusing me and thinks I need to be nice to him to make the marriage work.Believe me I cook the dinner clean and iron his clothes keep a tidy house.We argue then don't talk for days.He tells me he would of never married me and he wishes he had the cancer and wouldn't get any treatment.He says he is so unhappy so I have asked him to go but he won't.We have a morgage and the three adult children live with us.When he is at work I'm happy relaxed,so is everyone else.He is very negative and brings lots of anxiety to the home.I am now thinking I need to go but I'm not working and money is running out.Its very sad as I love my home and am settled.Im so confussed as what to do next.My daughter said she would rent with me but then I'm guilty about my sons.
Hi MummyG and a very warm welcome to the Community but sorry to hear about your diagnoses but also the challenges you are having...... the cancer journey is hard enough as it is but your circumstance are making things so hard.
Navigating the cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but getting support from people who have walked the ‘exact same' cancer journey can help a lot. (I have a completely different cancer).
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Cancer Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated Melanoma support group. This is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
To connect in with the group click on this link
…… then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
When you are ready you can introduce yourself by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and give support to all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
Hello MummyG
I’m Steph, I’m part of the Community team here at Macmillan. May I wish you another warm welcome to the Community.
Whilst you’re finding your way around, I hope you don’t mind me popping in here to offer you some further support. We were concerned when you mentioned the mental abuse happening at home. We wanted to make sure that you’re safe and that you have further support in place.
I was sorry to read that alongside your stage 4 melanoma diagnosis, you have a marriage breakdown and verbal abuse to deal with. You mention that your husband describes feeling very unhappy, but it’s never OK to verbally abuse someone and it’s important that you look after your own well-being.
If you feel your relationship is abusive and you are worried about your safety, please call 999 if you are in danger. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline can provide confidential advice 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. Don’t worry if you’re not in a safe place to get in touch by phone, you can use live webchat by clicking this link from 3pm to 10pm Monday to Friday.
There’s an organisation called Relate who specialise in relationship support. To get advice and support, you can start a chat with them or find a local support centre.
It can really help to talk openly about how you are coping, so I’m glad you’ve found the Online Community and have reached out for some support on the site.
I’d also encourage you to contact our Support Line to talk everything through. In addition to offering a listening ear, you can also find expert advice. For example we can help with practical issues around money.
Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
Your GP has a duty of care for your physical and emotional wellbeing, and they will want to help you access the support you need just now. It sounds like there are lots of things in your relationship you are worried about. Perhaps your husband might also be encouraged to contact his GP for some support with the way he is feeling.
Please do let us know if you have any questions or need further support with anything at all. You can contact us privately at community@macmillan.org.uk I hope the Community helps to show you that you don’t have to go through anything alone.
