My husband was diagnosed on 28th December with stomach cancer which has spread to his liver. He didn't even know he was ill until he experienced stomach pain from 8th December which didn't go away. We ended up going to A&E to get a quick diagnosis as things were too slow through our GP. On New Year's Day we went to A&E again after waiting four hours for an ambulance because he was in a state of near collapse, then he sat all night in a chair in A&E then another night in a chair elsewhere in the hospital. He came home after a few days but I was so worried alll I could do was watch him and nag him to try to eat/drink. On Monday we went to the hospital for a blood test and because I was worried about him he ended up being admitted again for more tests. In such a short time he is a shadow of his former self, so weak. The latest tests will indicate if and how he can be treated and I and the family are trying to stay positive.
I want him home but I won't cope - he has always been my rock and I know he still wants to be but he has no energy. Last year he painted all the garden fences, he always insists on doing all the iroing for me, he is so lovely. I can't give him nursing care, wiping his bottom etc., I don't want that to be my last memories, but I feel guilty because part of me wants him to stay in hospital or a care facility so I can just sit with him. I am grieving for the lovely cosy life we had together which is already gone.
I know I'm rambling but I am totally lostand devastated.
Hi Dreamier and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type and support challenges will help a lot (I have a totally different type of cancer)
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Cancer Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated Stomach cancer and Liver, secondary cancer support groups.
These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your husband you may benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only support group where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It’s a challenging time for you so you may want to use the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
