Hi folks,
Just a quick note to say "Hello". I am a carer, rather than a sufferer, but it is nice to see somewhere where I can get a bit of support and some emotional propping.
My wife of nearly 25 years was diagnosed last year with bile duct cancer, and had a goodly chunk of her liver removed to treat that. We thought at the time that got it all, but now it has emerged that the tumour has metastased and the oncologist has told us that it is now stage 4 and there's not much they can do. This is devastating news, obviously, but we are trying to be practical and stoic about it and are planning to make the most of the few months that we have left together. We have, however, made a decision that we are not going to tell anyone about this until after Christmas so as not to put a damper on that.
In the meantime though, whilst I am trying to do everything that I can to help her, I am struggling a bit myself. I do not feel that I am doing enough (even though she is refusing any additional help from me); I am suffering from guilt and helplessness in equal measure (guilt because I am healthy, and helplessness because there is d*mn all that I can do about what is happening to her!). We do not have a lot of friends to turn to for support, and whilst I have a good relationship with my family, they do tend to try to take over - neither of us want that to happen.
Sorry - rant over. I just wanted to introduce myself, and to find out if many others are in the same boat (and how they are coping!).
Hi WelshGil and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis and prognosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot (I am the one with cancer and my journey is very different although my cancer is incurable)
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your wife you may benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community
The areas I have highlighted will be good places for you to connect for you to get support.
I have been on my incurable journey for over 24 years now and I am very fortunate that so far we have been able to keep ahead of the inevitable…. I just need to keep running quicker than my cancer.
All the very best and best wishes to you and your family.
