Hi,
My sister lives in Europe and has been in hospital for a few weeks. Yesterday she received a pancreatic cancer diagnosis. The Dr says that she is too frail to be operated upon, and they are looking to see whether it's spread etc. She had been ill for a while with what was diagnosed as pancreatitis, so this is a shock.
We're not a close family, and I usually just message or text her very occasionally, but she can only take phone calls in the hospital. Her daughter (in the UK) spoke to her yesterday.
This may seem strange, but I really don't know what to say if I call her. I'm worried that I'll say the wrong thing, that she or I will break down, that she may ask about her prognosis etc. All of the usual things that we message about don't apply, as she's in hospital and may not come out (they can't release her to her home unless her daughter can move in, which is difficult as she is on a zero hours contract in the UK). She'll be worried about her dogs, and I can't give her any reassurance as I don't know much about her life there, so don't know these details.
I feel like a coward for shying away from calling her, but I'm worried that I'll make her feel worse, and as I never call her, it'll be a big deal.
I doubt I'm the first person to face this, but would welcome advice on what to do.
Thankyou
Hi Supporter1 and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your sisters diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family during these times so you may benefit from joining and posting in our Family and Friends support group where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Link” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community
