Hello everyone
I am here again as I am having a severe anxiety episode. After a relative normal couple of days, my mind has flipped into total anxiety mode.
Going to hospital on Sunday for both my colonoscopy and gastroscope, is arriving to far to quickly for me. Stupidly I know I need the tests but I have today thought of cancelling them, thinking ignorance of what is happening may be good for me. However the sensible side of my brain stopped me from doing so. Even taking the bowel prep is scaring me. I really do apologise for being so pathetic but I just really do feel this way.
Last night I found out I am going to be a Nan again which I am over joyed about but later my thoughts drifted to am I going to be here for my new grandchild and to support my eldest daughter. So many negative thoughts after hearing such positive news I was being an utter idiot but obviously I understand things could turn out badly for me, but I don't want to miss out on such nice events.
I just feel so bad about everything, from the bowel prep, the actual tests and then waiting for the results. I feel bad moaning about this, as there are so many people on this community who have been through so much worse and continue their battles so bravely with such positive attitudes. I wish I was as brave but I am sadly not, I am just a whinger. I so regret going to see my GP about what I thought was IBS, the saying "ignorance is bliss" keeps coming into my head.
As I have mentioned before, I am normally a person who tackles all problems head on but this problem is really eating me alive. My moods are not good and I am unable to plan anything till I get my results, even just organising our yearly week long trip to the Lakes at Christmas, is just to hard to do, as I don't know where I will be up to medically so I just cannot do it. Does anyone have any idea about how long it is before you get any results from the tests?
Tonight has really been my worst night so far and needed to reach out to someone as I am sure my family are fed up with me and continually tell me I must think positively and not to talk negatively, which I just can't do.
Apologies again for being so pathetic but I really am so scared about the entire procedure and it's results.
Thank you again. Cathy
