Good morning,
I am new to this as I’m not great at talking about things normally and tend to keep them inside and deal with things on my own, however I’m really struggling so I thought I’d come here.
My papa (dad) is 55, he is the rock of the family and to everyone else really as he’s always there for everyone, he’s the one person everyone and I mean everyone goes to, he’s always the joker in any room he goes into and he just makes everyone feel safe and happy!
Dad got diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer earlier this year, to say my whole world felt like it was falling at my feet was an understatement, but he had surgery to remove it and started his chemo and was so lucky to go onto an American trial as well which made things seem better. When my dad isn’t playing the role of being the rock it’s down to me to step up to be that person in the family and with friends, so I stepped up and I’ve been there to support him and everyone else whilst we’ve been going through this.
Dad was due to have his last chemo session, I’ve been there for him after everyone and was soooo excited! I got him his favourite treats, I got balloons, party poppers, banners the lot as it was an end to a very horrible chapter in all of our lives and I wanted us to celebrate. He text me from the hospital to say his results from the trial had shown his CTDNA had gone up whilst receiving the chemo, it’s now at 14 which I’ve read about and as far as I can tell it means the chemo isn’t working.
Now we’re back to square one, I don’t know what treatment he will have next, if any as we don’t know how bad it is. It makes me sick to think he might not get anything. He said yesterday he won’t ever go through chemo again, I know it made him poorly and he hates it (I mean it’s not suppose to be a walk in the park) but I can’t help but feel a bit angry with him that he won’t do it if it’s going to save him.
my mum keeps reading online about it and is worried he has a maximum of 5 years left to live.
I am worried my dad won’t be there for me on my wedding day, or to meet his grandchildren and how my mum will be when he’s gone.
I know if he goes that everyone will turn to me for support, my mum and little brother aren’t good at dealing with things, especially when emotions are involved and I’m scared to be the one they rely on.
Im angry all the time about dad having cancer and have episodes of being upset, but I don’t really show these emotions in front of people, so here I am.
Sorry for the really lengthy message.
I hope everyone that is here is ok and getting the support they need!
Hi and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about the journey your papa and the family are on.
A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type and support challenges will help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Cancer Specific Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer support group. This is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
It will be an emotional time supporting your papa so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions, you may also benefit from joining our dedicated Carers only support group where you will connect with others navigating the same support challenges.
To connect in with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
When you are ready you can put up your own post by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and provide support from all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community but in the meantime all the very best ((hugs))
