Hi, I'm new here and just looking for support as things are really difficult. Over the last year, my mother was told she had gall stones. Since then, they told her she had a lump which they believed to be a cyst. It caused her much pain and discomfort, anything starchy would set her off bloating and feeling terrible after just a bite. As of last week, my mother has been told that they found lumps on her lungs, bowel, liver, the fat behind her stomach and the lump thought to be a cyst is solid as ever. After waiting for biopsies, we recently found out that it's ovarian cancer but are unsure what stage so far. They also told her that the cancer in her lungs came later so is therefore secondary. It's a big blow since she's a 38 year old mother of 4. I'm her oldest and I believe that aside from my father, I'm the only one who really fully understands. The others are 16, 14 and 11, so it's understandable that they aren't fully aware of everything, but we're devastated nonetheless. Ever since we found out (I came home from work to find everyone waiting for me on the dining room table), I have hit an all time low. I have been suffering with anxiety, depression and stress for a while, but this has sunk me to a whole other level. I have just completely shut off to everyone as my head feels so loud. I've already been feeling overwhelmed with my head but it's worse now. I'm able to put a face up for the most part, but have recently been given time off work for mental health (I'm a wellbeing coordinator for a care home), and now I just don't know what to do. I've seen cancer take my great grandparents when I was 8/9, so I know the severity of the situation. I'm trying to keep my mam positive as I'm her strength right now, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I have often wished to trade places, so that she won't suffer. I often wish it was me so I don't have the fear of losing her. She's my best friend and has been there for me every time. I have made many mistakes and hurt her in my life and wish I could reverse those, but I'd give anything to take this away from her, even if it meant I'd have to go in her place. I need her, my siblings need her, and my dad really needs her. He's not very good at opening up with emotions, but I can feel them even though he's got a face on. I just feel beyond helpless as I would give my soul for my family. I'm sorry for rambling, but this has been in my head for so long. I have often suffered from nightmares in the past of losing family members, and I don't want it to come to life. It's quite a lot to take on and I feel like a burden with my emotions (blame the pisces in me), but I really don't know what else to do. Thank you for listening, I hope all are doing well despite everything they're facing.
Hi DragonQueen and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your mothers diagnosis and the challenges you are dealing with.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type and support challenges will help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Cancer Specific Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and posting in our dedicated Ovarian cancer support group. This is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
It will be an emotional time supporting your mother so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions, you may also benefit from joining our dedicated Carers only support group where you will connect with others navigating the same support challenges.
To connect in with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
When you are ready you can put up your own post by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and provide support from all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community but in the meantime all the very best.
