Hey everyone,
For context my dad is suffering from terminal Oesophegeal cancer. We found out about 6 weeks ago and it has prgressed very quickly. He is currently on Chemo and immunotherapy but the immunotherapy seems to be causing liver disease so I think he may have to stop all together. I am 25 and my family are extremely close so this has been hell to go through to be honest seeing him suffer.
To add extra pain to this although I didn't think that would be possible; my ex boyfriend of 3 and half years was close with my dad and asked to come back into my life when he found out (we had only ended our relationship a few weeks before I found out). I thought it would complicate things but he said it would kill him to not be there for me and my family so I let him and began to rely on him. for the next two weeks he used this time to punish me for breaking up with him, being really horrible and telling me how grateful I had to be to him for being there, pushing me for a timeline of when i would feel better so he could move on, and told all of him friends about my dad when I asked him not to as as a family we hadn't told people yet.
I was so emotionally numb for weeks I let him be verbally abusive and add to my pain just so he was still there until I told my mum and she was so shocked and upset she convinved me to end it. I told him how he had managed to make a barely livable situation even worse and I said I never wanted to see him again, he laughed at me called me disgusting and just behaved so creully I didn't recognise this person and how could someone act that way is a situation like this.
2 weeks of zero contact have gone by and he has now posted all over his social media and toild all his friends he is running a marathon for macmillon cancer support for my dad. As I haven't told many people what he did (i think im embarrassed someone i loved for years treated me so unlovingly) everyone thinks he is a maytr and he's getting comment like you are an inspiration/ what an amazing thing to do.
I feel like he is profiting from our suffering in such a messed up way. A suffering he added to. My family were pretty upset by how he acted to me considering we were all so close and it make my mum and dad both pretty uncomfortable that he's now running this marathon basically in our name.
I have never heard of a situation like this and genuinely don't know how to manage it- he has no idea the pain we are going through and suffering and he's making people feel sorry for him for dad's illness.
A part of me feels like it's a guilt thing but he should have reached out to me before and explained that before posting in on SM and telling EVERYONE. I personally think it's just another dig at me as if he hasn't caused enough pain.
I understand this is a bit of an unpresedented situation and I am trying to just ignore it and focus everyone moment on dad and my family but in my head i'm like - How dare he!
Any help/ advice would be really really appreciated
Hi Beth111 and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis and prognosis. A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but the antics of your ex just make navigating this journey harder. I have no experience at n this but getting support from others who are or may be dealing with the ‘exact same' challenges can help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
