Hi,
This is my first post. Ive found it difficult to know what to write, I keep feeling like a bit of a fraud. After all, I dont have cancer, I am just supporting my friend.
But if it were my friend supporting me, I would urge her to seek support for herself- first rule of thumb, you cant help someone if you arent ok.
So here goes...
My life long friend/ cousin was diagnosed with stage 4A cancer about two months ago. There is a year between us. We spent the first ten years of our lives like sisters, joined at the hip. Even when they moved miles away, we were pen pals, now whatsapp pals. We are very close- she was best woman at my wedding, me at hers. We have shared all the highs and lows of our lives for 55 years.
At the moment she is having chemo, her third round coming up. It seems to be doing something positive, we'll know more after the scans etc.
I have been through all kinds of emotions, rages and stages of what can best be described as a kind of living grief. But I couldnt share it with her, as I normally would.
I had been in denial- I couldnt accept it and felt so angry. If someone had complained about anything I felt like I would explode. So I stayed away from people.
I've felt guilt for not having it, for having hair, for feeling angry for making me care so much etc etc. All kinds of anger, terrible fear, guilt and grief that would come out of nowhere.
And then when I accepted it and the tears wouldnt stop. I didnt want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to wail out my feelings without anyone interrupting or telling me that it will be alright. No one knows at the moment and that is possibly the hardest part. There is so much uncertainty it's unsettling for us all.
All the while I have been supporting her, through daily texts, sending her practical gifts and sometimes silly ones. Just anything to let her know that although we are miles apart, I am by her side. I want to be there for her, as always. But I realised that I needed help to be able to do that.
Then I joined this group.
I've been reading through some of the posts. It has been so comforting to read other supporters experiences and feelings that are so similar to mine. I felt validated. This stuff is hardcore and of course it is going to affect us supporters. Thanks for sharing.
I know that I am entitled to feel all that I feel, she always has been and is a huge part of my life. I love her and the bottom line is I'm terrified of losing her. But even just writing that, sharing it in this community feels like a weight off. I'm not alone
Thanks
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry to read that your best friend has been diagnosed with cancer and I know what a hard time this will be for you both.
As the online community is divided up into different support groups the best way to get the most out of this community would be for you to join the family and friends group, which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your emotions and get support from others who have a loved one living with cancer.
To join just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversation by clicking on 'reply'.
It would be great if you could pop something about your friend's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
