Hello,
Diagnosed 2nd time with head and neck SCC in last 12 years. Feeling all the feelings that go with that obviously.
Living with partner in her house. She is not dealing well with this new me. Love has turned to a friendship almost. A friendship with emotional bullying and attacks in what I see as an attempt to discard me.
I cannot work for the moment, am in my 50s with no home or family to go to. No assets, only an inheritance that my brother has taken. No financial chance of renting a place where I can look after my two boys with whom I share 50/50 custody with my former wife.
I am living in constant fear of the cancer and treatment to come of course. The additional fear of being kicked out of my partners house and becoming homeless is overwhelming.
I have a limited support base, further restricted by my partners counterintuitive jealousy that she has, her need to control every move I make. It's hard to even video call with my psychiatrist without her listening in.
Sorry for venting but am feeling unsafe, terrified and desperate.
Cannot see the road ahead as anything but pure hell.
Thank you.
Hi Larrykins and welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing.
The cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but reaching out to the community will give you the opportunity to ask questions and getting support from others who are navigating the ‘exact’ same journey.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and zi do see that you have already joined our supportive Head and neck cancer support group. This is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.
To connect with the group first click on the “Bold Link” I have created above then once the group page opens you can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
As for you financial and housing problems do call Our Support Line teams who are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat where you will find one of team there to help you out. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help.
Hi Larrykins
My name is Steph and I’m part of the Community team here at Macmillan. I hope you don’t mind me posting here to offer some further support.
I hear that you’re going through an awful lot and it’s not surprising you’re feeling distressed and overwhelmed. It is positive that you’ve felt comfortable enough to reach out for help. There is lots of support available for you from Macmillan and other organisations.
Is there somewhere you can go to find some privacy over the phone? I’d really encourage you to get in touch with our Support Line for emotional, practical and financial support, as mentioned by Mike above. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
In addition to your cancer diagnosis, it sounds like you have a lot of worries around money and the possibility of being homeless. Our Welfare Rights team, who work as part of our Support Line teams, can help with any questions you have about benefits and other financial support. They are available through the Support Line contact details above.
You mentioned that you felt unsafe and terrified, and I’m so sorry to hear this. If you ever feel in danger, please do reach out to the police, either via 999 for an emergency, or 101 for non-emergency. There’s also lots of support available from other organisations, depending on your specific circumstances. I will list these below for you:
Mankind - male victims of domestic abuse or Refuge - supporting women and children with domestic abuse
Shelter - support with homelessness and housing issues
Mind – support for mental health and information for further help with housing issues
If you’re finding it really difficult to cope and need emotional support outside of the Macmillan Support Line opening hours (8am- 8pm) the Samaritans are there to help 24/7 by calling 116 123, using live webchat or sending an email. They do have a ‘self help’ app that may be a useful resource as it can help keep track of how you are feeling and suggest some coping strategies. You might also find the Hub Of Hope helpful, as here you can use your postcode to find support services, at both a local and national level.
Shout also have a 24/7 text support service you can access when texting ‘Shout’ to 85258.
I hope this helps show you that you’re not alone and that there is a lot of support available for you. Please do keep sharing your feeelings on the Community and reach out to the Support Line and other services listed above.
Please do get back in touch with us if you would like any with help using the Online Community, or would like to speak to us privately around your support needs. You can email us at community@macmillan.org.uk or send a private message (PM) to Moderator - Macmillan Community
