Hello wonderful people.
god knows who will read this but I felt it was important to write something considering the last 2 days of my life have turned upside down.
My wonderful father, has been diagnosed with Myeloma (which I still don’t think is a real word), cancer of the bone marrow. We don’t know how far along he is, awaiting results. But my heart has never broken so much before in my life.
I can’t believe there will be a time where my dad won’t be here. He’s not even retired yet?! So how could this possibly happen. I did always tell him, nothing good ever comes from running. Even more reason to never exercise.
I keep wondering if he will see me walk down the aisle, if he will see me have kids, if he will see me with wrinkles, if I will ever see him laugh again or look the way he is now, pre chemo (he starts tomorrow).
Having been told Myeloma is incurable I struggle to stop feeling numb - it’s a very haunting word. I know and accept he won’t be here, but at the same time I can’t believe it. I know he won’t see me get old. At the same I know I won’t see him get old, with my mum, enjoying their retirement, which they were about to do.
I can’t fathom or explain any notion as to what is happening. I never thought the day would come that I would be thinking about the possibility of seeing my dad suffer with cancer, or dying of it.
I am scared mentally and physically for my own health. I’m not sure I will ever recover from this. I guess no-one ever does from something like this. It all just feels like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I am either dissociating, numb, laughing, crying, anxious or extremely depressed.
I know my dad will never read this, but I am saying thank you to him through this. Thank you for putting up with me when I was a teenage arsehole, for making me always trim your moustache, for making me laugh and embarrassed beyond belief, for creating a safe and happy environment for me and my brother and for loving me unconditionally through every ounce of your life. I will always love you and you will always be in my heart.
Hi DavidE and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your dad’s Myeloma diagnosis…. and yes Myeloma it’s a real word.
A blood cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but I do hope you will find the Community a safe place to get support and to ask your questions.
You need to get to understand the concept of an incurable blood cancer like Myeloma.
I was diagnosed with another type of ‘incurable’ blood cancer over 23 years ago when I was 43 years old and I just had my 67th birthday and am living as good a life as any 67 year old. Yes I have had lots of treatment over the years but I am still here doing great (see my story through the link at the bottom)
When it comes to incurable blood cancers you have to add the words ‘but treatable’…… most incurable blood cancer are seen as chronic health conditions but the positives in blood cancers is there are treatment to deal with it……. unlike other chronic health conditions.
The Community is divided into support groups (discussion rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our supportive Myeloma support group. This is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis and treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same journey.
If you'd like to connect in with a group click on the Green (Bold) Group link I have created above. Once the group page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."
You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New or + (Depending on the device you are using) and you are ready to go. You could copy and paste the text from this post into your new post
When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family you may also benefit from joining our general Family and friends support groups where you will connect with others navigating the same support challenges….. I will add t
The Macmillan Support Line is open from 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 where you can talk with someone about specific cancer and practical information, get emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just connect with a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help but I do help out across our blood cancer groups so will keep an eye open for you in the Myeloma support group.
