Hello, yet another newbie! Seeking reassurance as a carer

Hi everyone, I am caring, along with my husband, for his best friend who is living with us as he approaches end of life with oesophageal cancer. I spend most time with him, supporting his care needs, giving him medication etc. at times he is horrible to me and openly criticises me in front of professionals when they visit, such as district nurses. Are there any other people in this community caring for people at home who aren’t relatives? How do you cope with the unusual situation? We thought long and hard about caring for the friend and are told by nurses and the GP that we are doing amazingly well. However, I feel quite anxious about making mistakes and am a bit scared of how we will cope as he deteriorates further. He only has a few weeks left and it’s so sad. Thank you. 

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about your friends diagnosis. This is such a challenging and stressful time for you and your husband but I do hope you find the community a safe place to get support and ask your questions.

    The New to Community is like our reception desk where we can signpost you to our various cancer specific support groups and other services and when it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone on a cancer journey like this you may well benefit from joining our supportive Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends during these difficult times. These groups are safes place to talk to others who may have a similar experiences, to ask questions and get support.

    If you'd like to connect in with a group, you do need to join the group. Click on the Green link I have created above. Then once the page opens click on the black banner that says [click to join] at the bottom, or the [Join] button under "Group tools."

    You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘new post’ by clicking in the box near the top right with + New  (Computers) or + (Mobile Devices). You will then see a dropdown menu so hit ‘Chat’ or ‘Start a Discussion in New here, say hello’ and you are ready to go.

    You could copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also search through existing ‘Discussions’ and click [reply] if you want to put up a comment.

    The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via Webchat and Email too. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. You may also find our Ask an Expert section helpful but do allow a few working days for a reply.

    Talking to people face to face can help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area as these folks are amazing.

    Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.

    All the very best ((hugs))

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Click to see how to add details to your profile

  • Hi Mike Blush, thank you so much for your warm welcome and signposting. I have already joined the oesophagus group and will use your helpful links for others. I have just read your other post and can only say, oHuggingmy goodness. Your resilience is incredible and remaining positive is something we all need to do, no matter what our own experience is. I know both my husband and I are doing our best to help our frHuggingnd feel safe, loved and cared for on this challenging journey he has to endure. Yesterday was a tough and emotional day, hence my need for a bit of moral support today. Hugging

  • When we get a cancer diagnosis we all do what we need to do to 'live' as best as we can. The cancer journey can be rough for everyone involved and lots of grace is required.

    Very often the person with the cancer, especially with an incurable cancer that is quickly removing life will tend to not be rational and say things - that if they could hear them back, in a better frame of mind would regret. My cancer is incurable but controllable so it's a different journey for me.

    Do check the Maggie's Centre link as if you have one in your area they would be a great help for 'you'. We are in Inverness so we have a Maggie's Centre at our hospital but people in the Highlands think nothing about doing a 4-5 hr round trip down to the centre as they know the benefits of their support.

    The Macmillan Support Line is also a great place to unpack stuff and the amazing team can listen and support at any time during the normal 8-8 opening times.

    I wish you all the strength and patients you need for navigating this rubbish time and you will always find me on the site if you want to chat ((hugs))

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Click to see how to add details to your profile