End of life-my Brother

Hi  

I’m new on here and hoping for some comfort and advice on how to deal with loss. My 45 yr old brother was told one week ago no further treatment can be given. Since then He has dramatically deteriorated. He went into 1 local Hospital Tuesday evening to have fluid drained off his abdomen for a second time In a matter of days. He was on a stretcher from 8pm Tuesday evening transfer to PRH then remained on the same stretcher until approx 5pm when he was admitted. Majority of weds was spent in A&E in a bay with limited water and pain relief baring in mind he hadn’t eaten (due to cancer and was extremely weak to weak to speak) due to me commuting to visit the hospital permitted me to go in and see him alone (provided I had a negative lateral) I spent an hour with him and strongly suspected at that point I may not see him again. Upon leaving I was in bits. A nurse held me and suggested I called family I knew then it was bad.  and Since his wife has been by his side. Thursday due to meds and drips he perked up. End of life was discussed in the hope he could come home Monday. But yesterday he deteriorated more to the point he may not of survived the night but if he did he’s in his last days. If he goes home I’m able to visit but worry I may not handle seeing him so unwell and don’t want that to be my last memories (I feel selfish saying this) but on the flip side I need him to know I there and feel this would 100% help his wife and step daughters. I’ve never lost someone so close to me before and worry my upset will affect my own children’s MH. (I’m not very good at hiding emotns) my children are fully aware of the situation but I’m not sure they have full understanding thanks. O plus I’m now petrified of also getting cancer